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#374 Where Eagles Dare

Watched: November 15 2025

Director: Brian G. Hutton

Starring: Richard Burton, Clint Eastwood, Mary Ure, Patrick Wymark, Michael Hordern, Donald Houston, Peter Barkworth, William Squire, Robert Beatty, Brook Williams, Derren Nesbitt, Ingrid Pitt

Year: 1968

Runtime: 2h 38min

High in the Bavarian mountains, an American Brigadier General is being held by the Nazis as a POW. A team of British MI6 agents is formed and tasked with rescuing him before he spills important secrets. Led by Major Smith (Burton), they are joined by (smoldering) American Army Ranger Schaffer (Eastwood) and dropped off in the mountains from midair disguised as German soldiers.

“Ok, boys! Let’s practice. Repeat after me: ‘Hallo. Guten morgen. Bitte. Danke. Ich heiße. Auf wiedersehen. Ich möchte ein Bier. Tschüss.’ You got that? Great! Then I think we’re all ready. This should go smoothly.”

Now, you may think that this will be a straight forward let’s-break-into-the-castle-and-get-our-guy-and-go-home-again-lads kind of a story. But you would be mistaken. There are traitors and secrets and twists and turns galore! Double and triple crossings. Spies and lovers and friendships. And explosions. So. Many. Explosions.

Impressively, they managed to throw in a couple of competent and bad ass female characters as well. We approve.

Because of the many twists and turns, we don’t want to spoil anything by giving away too much of the plot. We’ll just urge you to watch this, because it is amazing. We have mentioned that we have been very pleasantly surprised by the westerns we’ve watched for the list, and the same goes for a lot of the war movies (those are six different links, btw. Don’t say we never do anything for you). This is not the first genre we’re instinctly drawn to (even though we grew up with a father who watched a lot of war movies and who also read the books they were based on), but we find ourselves enjoying them immensely.

Then again, any movie with an action sequence set on a cable car is bound to be a winner.

Where Eagles Dare is fun, exciting, entertaining and intricate, and also extremely stressful. It also features the most Gestapo guy that ever Gestapoed (Gestapod? Gestaped..?).

He’s giving 98% Gestapo with just a touch of Nigel from Top Secret (1984)

Both Burton and Eastwood are fantastic, as are the rest of the cast, but one could argue that the real star of the movie is Explosions™. Everything explodes. Did you know that German cars in the 1940s had built in explosives that went off randomly if they bumped into something? Or if they went down a steep hill? Or if the tyres stopped touching the ground for two seconds? Or if someone looked at it funny? We didn’t either until we watched Where Eagles Dare. Why they made them like that, we don’t know. Then again, we question a lot of choices made in Germany around that time, so this might have followed some inexplicable logic understood only by fascists.

Believe it or not, this is just a normal German car that was caught in a mild gust of wind. Our leading theory is that the cars were actually built by political prisoners who did what they could to defeat the third reich. Well done!

In addition to the frequently exploding cars, our heroes have brought enough dynamite to take down all of Bavaria, and they are not afraid to use it. There’s not a situation they face that can’t be improved with an explosion or two.

Although sometimes they use guns, just to mix it up a bit. It’s important not to become complacent.

We loved the actors, the characters, the many twists and turns, the balls-to-the-walls action, the gorgeous matte paintings, the sets, the stunts, the clearly ’60s hair and make-up, the cable car and all the burning cars. Not to mention the fact that Clint Eastwood, who looks about as American as it is possible to look, tries to pass for a German soldier. Now, it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what an “American” is supposed to look like, but he is it. You could look at that man completely out of any context, and 99% of people would go “Hey, look at that American guy!” (Then, most of them would add “He’s ridiculously handsome!” Especially if he smoldered at them.)

Pictured: obviously NOT a German

What we learned: Old timey movie kisses look incredibly uncomfortable. Also, Clint Eastwood is smolder incarnate.

MVP: Dynamite. And Clint Eastwood’s smolder.

Next time: Wild in the Streets (1968)

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#373 The Thomas Crown Affair

Watched: November 7 2025

Director: Norman Jewison

Starring: Steve McQueen, Faye Dunaway, Paul Burke, Jack Weston, Nora Marlowe

Year: 1968

Runtime: 1h 42min

A heist is going down. And what a heist! There are several people in play, lots of phone booth coordination, heaps of money at stake, and a criminal mastermind at the reins. This mastermind is Thomas Crown (McQueen) – a rich business man stealing money basically for the hell of it, or out of boredom. Or to prove to himself that he is as smart as he thinks he is. But is he..?

Steve McQueen? More like Smuggy McSmugface, amirite? HAH!
We’ll see ourselves out…

The heist goes off fairly smoothly, with only one shot fired and no casualties. It leaves behind many frustrated men in suits, but sadly very few leads. Then, someone makes the excellent decision of bringing in insurance detective/glamourous super sleuth Vicki Anderson (Dunaway) to assist in the investigation. She gets to work and quickly narrows their suspects down to a certain Thomas Crown based on… well, we’re not quite sure. A hunch? A vibe? Wanting to bone him? The logic is not entirely sound, but at least it turns out to be 100% correct.

She then goes to work to catch her man. Her surveillance method of “bring a beast of a camera and then make eye contact with the target the entire time” is about as subtle as a freight train to the face

The only problem now is that they do not have any evidence to tie him to the crime. Luckily Vicki, passionately dedicated to her job, is willing to start a whole relationship with this man to prove her suspicion true. So their cat and mouse-/spy vs. spy-game begins.

They literally play chess about things

This was a bit uneven for us – there were things we absolutely loved about The Thomas Crown Affair, and things we’re more unsure of. We loved Faye Dunaway, and Steve McQueen is always charismatic af. However, once their relationship began, the film sort of lost some of its nerve and tension. Don’t get us wrong – there were some great scenes between them, and we loved Vicki throughout the entire film. Especially her sense of self: “I know who I am. Don’t put your labels on me.”

And what she is is an icon. An icon with an impressive and extensive hat collection.

I suppose we just didn’t quite buy into her falling for a bored little rich man who robbed a bank just for the hell of it. Now, if he was a suave art thief or something, we’d be all for it! Stealing art or artefacts in the style of Pierre Despereaux is cool (in fiction we mean, nice police people. We would never promote criminal activity in real life). Stealing money when you’re already rich is just… tacky. The film also felt as though they skipped some very important steps in the narrative, particularly how the investigators figured out how the heist was orchestrated and how they ended up with Thomas Crown as a suspect.

Was it the short shorts? It was probably the short shorts. We suspect everything could be traced back to the short shorts…

Still, we loved the stylish and cool heist in the beginning, the split screen which we also saw in The Boston Strangler (so hot in the ’60s), the built in wall bar with the fridge (we want one! Each!), Vicki Anderson – insurance sleuth extraordinaire, and the ending. There was something very satisfying about how they both stayed true to who they were in the end. Overall, we thought the first half was better than the last, but we had a very good time with this.

This! This is what we want in life! It even has a built in fridge!
Swanky man optional.

What we learned: It must be so hard to be rich and bored…

MVP: Marcie! For the vibes. And also the aran sweaters.

Next time: Where Eagles Dare (1968)

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#372 The Swimmer

Watched: November 4 2025

Director: Frank Perry, Sydney Pollack

Starring: Burt Lancaster, Janet Landgard, Janice Rule, Marge Champion, Joan Rivers, Nancy Cushman, House Jameson, Tony Bickley

Year: 1968

Runtime: 1h 35min

Welcome to the surreal world of The Swimmer. You’re in for quite a ride… Ned Merrill (Lancaster) is running around in his bathing suit in a gorgeous woodland, as people do. He drops by some old friends’ backyard and goes for a swim in their pool. The friends are hungover from the night before, and have not seen Ned for aaaaages. But they love him, and he’s such a great guy. While reminiscing with them, Ned has the brilliant idea to swim all the way home, by way of his neighbours’ pools which form a “river” the entire way. Off he goes!

But not without a drink in his hand. He’s not an animal.

As he makes his wet way towards his house he meets several old friends and acquaintances, but the vibe changes discernibly as he gets closer and closer to home. In the beginning, all the people he meets are old friends who clearly see him as a good guy, although they all get a bit weird whenever his wife or daughters are brought up. But as he gets closer to home, the people he encounters are increasingly hostile and keep hinting more and more to something that clearly has gone wrong in Ned’s life. Our “hero” also goes super sleazy with Julie (Landgard), a young girl who used to babysit for his kids. Things get gradually darker and weirder until he finally reaches “home.”

It starts off so innocently. Even bringing along his very young former babysitter seems wholesome at first. Until it’s not…

We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into, but we were hooked from the start. We loved how our view of Ned changed throughout the movie – from seeming to be a nice enough man (and just a little bit inappropriate with all the women he knew) in the beginning, to a creepy, cheating, horrible narcissist at the end.

This scene with his former mistress is the best depiction we’ve seen of a man completely unravelling when he finds out a woman has faked her orgasms. Actual quote: “You loved it. You loved it. We both loved it. YOU LOVED IT!” And she’s just there like “Sure, Jan.”

The Swimmer kept us questioning throughout, and we came up with about 271 theories on what was actually going on. What happened to his daughters? His wife? Is this a sort of “life flashing before his eyes” scenario? Are we in purgatory? Is he senile? Is this a portrayal of his gradual corruption and entitlement throughout his life told through a swimming pool voyage? ‘Twas a mystery wrapped in an enigma. In the end, things start coming together and some questions are answered, but we’re still not 100% sure what exactly we just watched. That being said, we loved it (actually loved it. It wasn’t just a man telling us we did).

Another bit of unravelling: at the first pools people find him quirky and charming for going around in his swim trunks at a clothed event. As he progresses, not so much…

Among our favourite things were the ’60s parties he kept crashing (such a vibe!), the Hallorans, the way we liked Ned less and less as we went along, his increasingly fragile ego and psyche, and the many mysteries hidden in the plot. Also, the beautiful scenery added to the film’s dreamlike quality which, granted, gradually descended into a nightmare. Watch it!

Preferably through a closed, rusted fence with an anguished look on your face as you gradually realise the reality of your existence and slowly descend into madness and despair. It’s what we did.

What we learned: Dude! No means NO!!!

MVP: The pools. Or, possibly, the narrative technique. Or Ned’s fragile male ego.

Next time: The Thomas Crown Affair (1968)

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#371 The Great Silence/Il grande silenzio

Watched: October 26 2025

Director: Sergio Corbucci

Starring: Jean-Louis Trintignant, Klaus Kinski, Vonetta McGee, Frank Wolff, Luigi Pistilli, Mario Brega, Marisa Merlini, Carlo D’Angelo

Year: 1968

Runtime: 1h 45min

Snow. Horse, Rider. Norway? (Probably not, but looks like our landscape.) Crows. Shootout. Blood. Death. So starts The Great Silence. The eponymous Silence (Trintignant) is a mute gunman who makes bounty hunters tremble with fear. This (un)lucky Luke draws faster than his own shadow (well, at least faster than anyone else’s shadow), and his method is simple: be an annoying bitch until the other person gets fed up and draws their gun, and then kill them before they can pull the trigger. Thus, he only acts in self-defense and is completely within his rights to kill.

Way to hack the system, Silenzio!

The society in which Silence/Silenzio (we’ve heard it both ways) operates is run by corrupt politicians, greedy business owners and ruthless bounty hunters who prey on the little people. The worst one is Pollicut (Pistilli) – a banker and Justice of the Peace who uses his seemingly infinite (but very local) power to be a cunt to everyone and kill the guys who own things he covets, or who he simply doesn’t like. Of which there are many.

He wants their land, their houses and often their wives. And he will literally cut children’s throats in order to get what he wants. Among his many sins, that sorry excuse for a “beard” also ranks in the top three…

As a result of Pollicut’s greed and corruption, as well as problems caused by a severe blizzard, the people of Snow Hill are having a really bad time of it, and many are forced to turn to crime in order to feed their families. Pollicut uses these circumstances to make them outlaws and to place prices on their heads in order to take over their property. This attracts bounty hunters, chief among them being “Loco” (Kinski). He is, as the name suggests, utterly Loco. And racist. And a psychopath. And just an all ’round bad guy.

But his headgear game is on point

The women of this ravaged community, mainly newly widowed Pauline (McGee), hire Silence to defend them and help/avenge their sons/fathers/husbands, most of whom are either already dead or LARPing Robin Hood and his Merry Men in the woods surrounding Snow Hill.

In fact, let us talk about the name “Snow Hill.” Who came up with that name? Is it also called that in summer? Is this place perpetually snowy? In which case, why would anyone settle there? (OK, we realise that this is probably a bit rich coming from a couple of Norwegians. Nevertheless, we feel these questions are justified. The public needs to know!)

Enter player five, newly appointed sheriff Gideon Burnett (Wolff). From the start, he seems a decent enough guy, which is a rarity in this town. His mission is to restore order in Snow Hill before the governor declares amnesty on the merry men of the forest (and by “merry,” we mean “miserable” and “starving”). He is basically the only character in this entire movie who both operates within the law and does the right thing. Will his and Silenzio’s efforts be enough to save the town?

Look at this jovial face and icy ‘stache! Clearly one of the good guys.

We are enjoying the westerns a lot more than we thought we would when we started this project. We grew up watching some of them as our dad was a western fan, but it was never really “our” genre. However, each one we’ve watched so far has been incredibly engaging, and there’s so much interesting social commentary within them. For us, The Great Silence ranks as one of the best ones so far.

🎵 The hills are aliiiiive… With the sound of outlaaaaws 🎶

First off, we loved the women in this. From the bereaved mother who first asks for Silenzio’s help, via Pauline, to Regina (Merlini), they are bad ass, capable and vengeful – exactly how we like our female characters. We also loved sheriff Burnett, Silence’s method of being a little bitch until people try to kill you, the costumes, the snow, and the portrayal of people dealing with corruption and greed. As in a lot of westerns, on the surface it’s very easy to tell the bad guys from the good guys – there are no doubts about who we’re supposed to root for. But at the same time, the bad guys’ actions are “all according to the law,” which poses some interesting philosophical quandaries about laws and morality, and makes this a movie which is frighteningly topical and current…

They also managed to throw in a bit of (interracial) romance, so we’re pretty sure everyone can find something they enjoy in this film. Well, good people can, at least.

By the way, without spoiling the ending too much (we hope… You can wait to read the rest of this until you’ve seen the film if you want absolutely no hint of a spoiler), if you have the DVD/Blu-Ray version of this movie, we recommend you also watch the alternate ending which you can find as a bonus. It is the most ridiculously over-the-top happy denoument we’ve ever seen, and we got the strong feeling that this was filmed as a sort of mutinous “fuck you” to people who thought the original finale was too bleak…

Side note: we felt really bad for all the horses forced to struggle through the snow throughout. That looked like really hard work.

What we learned: The law is not always right. There is no such thing as an ethical billionaire. And sometimes the bad guys win…

MVP: Whoever made all those shawls. Or Klaus Kinski. Also, shoutout to our boy Ennio Morricone!

Next time: The Swimmer (1968)

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#369 The Boston Strangler

Watched: October 11 2025

Director: Richard Fleischer

Starring: Tony Curtis, Henry Fonda, George Kennedy, Mike Kellin, Hurd Hatfield, Carolyn Conwell, William Marshall

Year: 1968

Runtime: 1h 56min

From 1962 to 1964, Boston was terrorized by a serial killer who raped and murdered women, dubbed “the Boston Strangler”. Albert DeSalvo confessed to the crimes in 1965 and only three years later The Boston Strangler was released, detailing the crimes and the investigation. While this could have been a sensationalized and exploitative movie trying ot cash in on horrific events, it luckily comes across as a respectful and very accurate portrayal of a horrible case of serial murder.

It’s still gruesome – don’t get us wrong. Just not overly salacious.

Right from the start, this drew us in. We loved the different angles/framing/multiple images (whatever we should call it – if you’ve seen the film you understand what we mean) used throughout the film. The first part of the movie depicts the investigation, and we really enjoyed having the focus on the investigators rather than the culprit – let’s highlight the heroes, not the monsters! We appreciated that the sexual violence suffered by the victims was only implied rather than explicitly shown. Fleischer manages to convey the horrific nature of the crimes without sexualizing the scenes, which is something more filmmakers should attempt at times…

This is what we mean by the whole different angles/framing/multiple image-thingy we mentioned. No idea what it’s called, but we loved it!

The main investigator, Phil DiNatale, is played by George Kennedy, which we have to admit took some getting used to. We found ourselves waiting for lieutenant Frank Drebin to come along and (hilariously) solve the crime… Instead, he is joined by John Bottomly (Fonda), the newly appointed head of the Strangler task force. It’s always beautiful to see when different branches of law inforcement manage to coordinate their efforts and come together to solve a case.

One might even say they formed some sort of… Police Squad!
…we’ll see ourselves out.

And effort was definitely made! We loved seeing a bunch of creeps being arrested and/or interrogated for doing creepy stuff. Now, we don’t mean to kink shame – you do you, boo – but once you make your kinks someone else’s problem without their consent, you deserve to be made (at least) as uncomfortable as the ones you drag into your sexual fantasies.

Although questioning a man for murder simply for owning the collected works of the Marquis de Sade might be overstepping a bit… Who doesn’t have that on their bookshelf?

Eventually, the POV switches from the investigation to the killer himself. We are brought along as DeSalvo (Curtis) tricks his way into women’s apartments where he sexually assaults and strangles them. But we also get to see his family life, as he was married and had young children at home. Finally, the last part of the movie is focused on his confession and his mental state.

His seemingly normal and happy family life somehow makes the crimes even more unsettling… (Also, side note, his wife looks like Liv Ullmann… Well, Carolyn Conwell, the actress, did at least.)

There’s so much here we loved. Visually, it’s very stylish and cool, and we feel it tells the story without exploiting the victims too much. The Boston Strangler has no score and the silence works really well. It’s also extremely quotable, and we enjoyed the critique of the inherent violence in U.S. society. The pacing is a bit uneven, and the last act felt a bit long and is less engaging than the first part. Still, the final reenactment by DeSalvo/Curtis is very chilling and an unnerving end to an excellent movie.

Turns out making him take a long hard look in the mirror actually had the desired effect. Have we tried this in other interrogations..? Like, really tried it? Has this solution been staring us in the (mirror image of our) face all this time?

Ok, we know this is dodgy, but we love serial killer stories… What can we say – we’re white women, it’s our culture. So we know quite a lot about this case, and as far as we can remember The Boston Strangler is a very accurate depiction of events. There has been a lot of speculation about DeSalvo’s guilt though. Part of his confession contains details that he would be unlikely to know unless he was there, but other in other parts he gets very basic things wrong. However, a few years ago DNA evidence proved his involvement in at least one of the rapes and murders, so he was certainly not entirely innocent. The question remains though – was he the only strangler? Or were there several killers stalking the women of Boston? We may never know for certain.

We only know that thirteen women between the ages of 19 and 85 were sexually assaulted and brutally murdered, possibly by the same perpetrator…

What we learned: As fascinating as we admittedly find them, serial killers are pretty much pathetic in real life…

MVP: Probably Edward W. Brooke (Marshall). Assembling a task force is never wrong. Shoutout to DiNatale and Bottomly as well though!

Next time: The Devil Rides Out (1968)

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#368 Spirits of the Dead/Histoires extraordinaires

Watched: October 7 2025

Director: Federico Fellini, Louis Malle, Roger Vadim

Starring: Jane Fonda, Brigitte Bardot, Alain Delon, Terence Stamp, Peter Fonda

Year: 1968

Runtime: 2h 1min

Spooctober continues (we expand it into November as well. And occasionally December. Not to mention January! There’s nothing scarier than a blank slate and new opportunities, after all…), and coincidentally there are quite a few fitting films coming up on the list. Such timing! In Spirits of the Dead, three directors have each made a short film based on the works of our child- and adulthood hero Edgar Allan Poe. Artistic liberties have been taken, but in each entry Poe’s spirit is present. And he is in fact dead. So the (English) title checks.

We like to think his spirit still roams wild on Hampstead Heath. Close to the meat.

Director Roger Vadim is behind the first segment, “Metzengerstein.” Here, cruel, oversexed countess Frédérique de Metzengerstein (Fonda) falls for her cousin/enemy/rival/neighbour Wilhelm Berlifitzing (also Fonda, but this time Peter), burns down his stables when he rejects her, then grows obsessed with a horse that appears out of nowhere just as Wilhelm accidentally dies in the fire. Well, technically the horse seems to appear out of a tapestry. Either way, clearly a supernatural horse. It does not end well for her.

There’s a joke in here somewhere about stallions and getting wet, but we’re better than that.

The second adaptation, Louis Malle’s “William Wilson,” follows the titular character (Delon) as he is confronted by kindness and positive qualities, things he himself does not possess in the slightest. As he goes around bullying and torturing school mates, trying to start a serial killer career by dissecting a random (and still alive) woman he picked up from the street (with a willing audience of equally psychotic medical students, it seems? WTF, guys???), and cheating at cards (ok, this one sounds relatively mild compared to the others, but he does it in order to strip and whip a woman (Bardot) in front of yet ANOTHER audience of men before offering her up for them to rape. So the cheating really was just a means to an end), he is repeatedly thwarted by a doppelganger (or the Jekyll to his Hyde, if you will). And Wilson is pretty darned indignant about it! It does not end well for him.

We see you, guys in the background who just stand by. You’re all equally culpable.

The final, and in our opinion best, entry is Fellini’s “Toby Dammit,” based on the story “Never Bet the Devil Your Head.” Now, while it might be the segment that diverges the most from the story on which it is based (it is also the only one where they did not keep the title or the historical setting), it is also the most successful (in our opinion). Toby (Stamp) is a messed up, alcoholic actor visiting Italy to star in a Catholic western and drive a Ferrari, who keeps seeing the devil everywhere. This devil is in the form of a little girl with a ball as opposed to Poe’s old man with just a girly hairstyle (actual quote: “his hair was parted in front like a girl’s”). Toby’s behaviour becomes increasingly unhinged as he falls deeper into the bottle as well as his own visions, climaxing in a wild Ferrari ride. It does not end well for him.

“Dress for the job you want, not the one you have,” they say. “Dress like a sickly Byronic vampire and reap the consequences,” we say.

Poe’s original story “Never Bet the Devil Your Head” is a hilariously passive aggressive response to his critics who accused him (and/or his tales) of lacking morals. So he wrote the most blatantly moral tale he could come up with. It is definitely worth reading if you have not – the tone is hilarious. However, it may not be the easiest story to make into an interesting film, so Fellini’s decision to basically keep only the ending and a slightly morally dubious protagonist is an understandable one. And as stated, this entry was our favourite, despite us being Poe-purists at heart.

“Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night” What a legend!

While the three shorts have varying degrees of connection with the source material, they have all definitely tried to sex it up quite a bit. Poe wasn’t really known for his spicy content – he was more about the implied incest and necrophelia than explicit sexual stuff. So, much more pure. In Vadim’s “Metzengerstein,” the young count Frederic has become sexy Frédérique, and the old neighbour Berlifitzing has become young, alluring, and a cousin to boot. So at least Poe’s incest motif has been honoured, we guess. William Wilson, while always an unlikable character has, in Malle’s version, become a sexual sadist in addition to your ordinary, run-of-the-mill everyday sadist from the short story.

Admittedly, it’s been a while since we read “Metzengerstein.” It is entirely possible that Frederic wore this exact outfit in the story and the adaptation is true to its source material.

We loved the costumes, Terence Stamp, Jane Fonda, the Devil, the stressful Ferrari ride, the Catholic Western that Toby’s set to star in (complete with cowboy Jesus and all), the award ceremony and basically everything about Fellini’s entry. We also enjoyed the fact that these filmmakers have chosen relatively unknown Poe tales to adapt (at least, lesser known compared to “the big ones”). This may of course be related to the fact that there were supposed to be more directors and stories filmed for the series, but one by one they all dropped out, leaving the three we have today. While the project may not have reached the heights originally envisioned, the ones that were completed are definitely worth a watch, and the film is a perfect choice for Halloween (which, as you all know, is celebrated from October 1st through (at least) November 30th).

I believe we just found this year’s costume

What we learned: Dammit, Toby! Also, if you stand by and do nothing, or participate in the slightest, when people are trying to rape or kill, you’re as culpable as the perp. Do better!

MVP: Terence Stamp. And Edgar himself, obvi.

Next time: The Boston Strangler (1968)

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#366 Pretty Poison

Watched: September 26 2025

Director: Noel Black

Starring: Anthony Perkins, Tuesday Weld, Beverly Garland, John Randolph, Dick O’Neill, Clarice Blackburn

Year: 1968

Runtime: 1h 29min

Dennis Pitt (Perkins) is released from the psych ward where he has been treated for “dangerous fantasies.” Foreshadowing, thy name be… well, “delusional fantasies,” apparently. Deemed ready to rejoin society as a productive member, he promptly starts his new life by creeping on a high school drill team, specifically 17-year-old Sue Ann Stepanek (Weld).

The title sequence really should have been our first hint that this will not go the way it initially seems. Mea culpa.

He eventually plucks up the courage to approach her, but not as himself. Oh no, under the guise of being a secret agent – one in need of an assistant on his top secret, not at all fake mission – he tricks her into joining him to expose the environmenal crimes of the factory where he (actually) works. However, he may have bitten over more than he can chew with innocent high schooler Sue Ann.

“You work for the CIA but they do not provide you with a car, any equipment or a partner for what you say is a two person job? That does not sound suspicious at all. Hopefully, neither is my eagerness to join forces with you.”

We went in blind on this one, and we definitely recommend it – this was a wild ride from start to finish. In fact, you may want to watch it before reading this review… Pretty Poison is less well known than several other dark comedies from the era (at least to our knowledge), and it deserves a wider audience. Perkins is disturbingly good at being innocent and creepy at the same time, a perfect Dennis, and Weld is charming, chilling and chaotic as Sue Ann.

Additional shoutout to Perkins’ ability to look simultaneously 20 and 40 years old. We have absolutely no clue how old his character is supposed to be…

To us, it’s unclear how much of his fantasies and lies Dennis actually believes, and how much is just a way to manipulate a high school girl into a relationship with him. Whether or not he believes his own fantasies, we cannot escape the fact that he drugs and rapes Sue Ann, and then convinces his case officer to let him stay after breaking his parole because “he’s in love.” With a child. And that is apparently a good thing. What a world.

“I know I skipped our weekly meeting and moved away, thus breaking the conditions of my release, but you see I have met and fallen in love with a teenager, who I have convinced that I am a secret agent in dire need of help on my mission, help only a high school girl can provide mind you, and I have even tricked her into sleeping with me and I think I’m in love and you know that love is the great cure-all, so I clearly will not be a threat to society anymore!” “Well, why didn’t you say so? Go on and enjoy your life, my lad! I see no red flags here.”

Despite the sinister nature of Dennis’ manipulations and actions (regardless of his intentions and possible delusions – his reactions towards the end make us lean towards him being a manipulator and complusive liar rather than a mentally ill man who actually believes his own stories), things are not quite what they seem, and the twists and shifts in power dynamics make this a movie worth watching. The increasingly atonal march that keeps playing throughout the movie is a great illustration of Dennis’ breaking psyche, and we loved both their performances, Sue Ann’s car, Dennis’ landlady Mrs Bronson (Blackburn), and the dark humour which occasionally made us laugh out loud. Overall, a great watch.

Dennis is about to learn a lesson for the ages: nothing is scarier or more dangerous than teenage girls. This goes double for the pretty and popular ones…

What we learned: Don’t be fooled by a pretty face. Or a clearly fake cover story of spies and secret agents… And for god’s sake – don’t let your unstable, delusional ex-patients break all the rules of their parole because they enter a relationship with a minor! That is not a good sign!

MVP: Mrs Bronson. We just enjoyed her whole vibe. Or Sue Ann. What a ride!

Next time: Rosemary’s Baby (1968)

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#365 Planet of the Apes

Watched: August 13 2023

Director: Franklin J. Schaffner

Starring: Charlton Heston, Roddy McDowall, Kim Hunter, Maurice Evans, James Whitmore, James Daly, Linda Harrison, Robert Gunner, Jeff Burton

Year: 1968

Runtime: 1h 52min

Three astronauts crashland on an alien planet 2000 years after leaving earth. Luckily, hibernation pods have kept them from aging despite the years spent in deep space. Even more luckily, this random planet’s atmosphere is sufficiently earthlike for them to survive. That’s pretty much the end of their luck, though. They soon learn that a fourth crewmember, the only woman on board, did not survive the crash. In addition, their clothes are stolen and destroyed by what appear to be primitive human beings. And then the hunt begins…

Men. Absolutely no sense of danger or concept of personal safety. “Oh, look at us, stranded on an alien planet. Let’s abandon our things and go skinny dipping. I’m sure those life size Blair Witch monster thingies on the hill are completely harmless and not a bad omen of things to come. And while we’re at it, why don’t we eat this random fruit. La la la!” Please…

Gorillas on horseback raid the fields full of people, kill one of the survivors, Dodge (Burton), and capture the other two, Taylor and Landon (Heston and Gunner, respectively). Taylor is shot in the throat, impeding his speech, and then taken to a research facility in Ape City where he is made into a lab rat by intelligent chimpanzees Zira and Galen. It’s a world gone topsy-turvy!

“OK, since we’re both here, how about we propegate the species? It’s for the greater good, I assure you.”

Once the scientists discover that Taylor can talk, their entire world view changes. Perhaps human beings are not just savages after all, but capable of culture and reason? (They’re only about halfway right…) Soon, Taylor finds himself in the middle of an ape culture war. And Landon finds himself lobotomized.

It was either that or join a gorilla barbershop quartet. The choice was easy

The success of Planet of the Apes sparked a whole series of sequels, prequels and other -quels. And while many of them are worth watching (there are definite variations in quality), the original remains the best one, in our opinion. The score is great, the costumes, make-up, sets and landscapes are all very impressive, and the plot is compelling and intriguing.

The characters are fine as well, but again, as mentioned. who in their right minds would see these things, on an alien planet nonetheless, and then proceed to just frolic in the water?!? We question their judgment and the clearly lax screening process for becoming (fictional) astronauts in the sixties.

The first hunt is chaotic, brutal and shocking, as are several of the revelations throughout and the treatment our main character receives. Does Taylor make for a sympathetic protagonist? Well, not necessarily. He’s a bit of a cynical douchebag with seemingly no qualms about rape, for instance. Still, even he has some very good points to make about humanity and the society he left behind as well as the one in which he now finds himself. In addition, Heston had ridiculous presence on screen, which makes you root for him despite some of his character’s less desirable qualities…

Believe it or not, in this instance beastiality is a major positive step in his character development! (Discussion point: Is it still beastiality if the “beast” in question shares your level of intelligence and communication skills? Taylor’s so-called relationship with Nova, the mute and primitive human woman he “courts,” seems a lot more problematic than this one, for sure.)

We love horror and sci-fi as social commentary and (unfortunately) the themes in Planet of the Apes are still (or again?) current and relevant. The people in power, and pretty much everyone over a certain age, are conservative zealots who’d rather erase anything and anyone that do not support their world view than be open to changing their minds. Thank the gods we as human beings have moved on from this and are now governed by reason, compassion and altruism.

They would be so proud of us

What we learned: Religion has no place in science. Or in politics. Or in law making. In fact, like genitals, your own are best kept private until asked to share.

MVP: Zira

Next time: Pretty Poison (1968)

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#364 Once Upon a Time in the West

Watched: August 14 2023

Director: Sergio Leone

Starring: Claudia Cardinale, Henry Fonda, Charles Bronson, Jason Robards, Harmonica’s harmonica

Year: 1968

Runtime: 2h 45min

Mrs McBain (the recently departed Claudia Cardinale) arrives in Utah to find her brand spanking new husband and stepchildren dead. The main suspect: notorious local bandit Cheyenne (Robards). But is he being framed? Other dodgy characters in this classic western include drama queen Harmonica (Bronson) and gun-for-hire Frank (Fonda).

Claudia Cardinale in all her glory. We seem to remember enjoying her character immensely!

So, full disclosure: we watched this over two years ago, but then never got around to actually writing the blog while it was still fresh in our minds. And now, due to everything leading to us taking a hiatus from the list in the first place, we have a little bit of amnesia. We did, however, take notes while watching it! Thus, we present to you: Our Impressions Of And Thoughts On The Film Based On Cryptic Notes Written Two Years Ago (or OIOATOTFBOCNWTYA for short):

Pictured: characters from the film. About 99% sure that’s Henry Fonda up front. And they definitely look like the bad guys, so that tracks. Probably about to do some serious mischief.
  • Very good at creating tension! (we’re pretty sure we’re talking about Leone here)
  • Love when people make their own soundtrack! (referring to Harmonica, probably?)
  • #Harmonica4Lyfe! Such a drama queen. Love!
  • Absolutely love the “vastness” of the production – epic scale. Good world building.
  • He (probably Leone again) just loooooooves people staring at each other.
  • Beautiful, epic, suspenseful and possibly a tiiiiiny bit too long… But hey – if you wanna be dramatic about it and make an absolute epic, you go girl! (We guess we’re referring to Leone here as well…)
Harmonica doing god’s work providing (more or less) appropriate ambient sound to a dramatic scene. Again, we suspect that’s what’s going on based on vague, watercolour memories.
  • With the notable exception of the Lord of the Rings-movies, very few films need to clock in at almost three hours…But this stays interesting and engaging throughout, so it kind of pulls it off.
  • So. Much. Staring.
  • Ok, even on Blu-Ray, film is definitely different from digital. The texture of this! Hard to describe… It feels substantial and kind of gritty.
  • Was this movie sponsored by the oil industry? The car industry? Never seen so much vilifying of railways.
  • Sometimes it’s best to just stay a single, rich widow.
“I know you’re developing some Stockholm syndrome feelings for me, but I’m saving all my sexual tension for my new best bud Cheyenne. Besides, Clark Olofsson won’t be born for half a century yet, so I don’t even know what Stockholm syndrome is.”

What we learned: Never trust Big Railway™

MVP: Ennio Morricone, Cheyenne and Harmonica’s harmonica.

Next time: Planet of the Apes (1968)

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#363 Night of the Living Dead

Watched: February 16 2023 (We know, we know… It’s been an intense few years, ok?)

Director: George A. Romero

Starring: Duane Jones, Judith O’Dea, Karl Hardman, Marilyn Eastman, Keith Wayne, Judith Ridley, Russell Streiner

Year: 1968

Runtime: 1h 36min

Heeeeey guys… So it’s been (another) minute, but we’re finally back in a place in our lives where we want to try to revive the blog. How fitting then, to talk about a movie where things refuse to stay dead and buried! It’s almost as if we planned this (we didn’t. Planning is not really part of our skill set..).

In Night of the Living Dead, siblings Barbra and Johnny expect nothing but a peaceful afternoon on their yearly road trip to place flowers on their father’s grave. Which just goes to show that expectations are meant to be crushed. Instead of a routine 6 hour trip of bickering about the inconvenience of their father being buried so far away (rude! Of him, we mean. Bury yourselves close to your relatives), they find themselves caught in a new and exciting situation: the dead walking the earth and armageddon being nigh! Well, Barbra does at least. Johnny is a lost cause from the beginning and the first one to die. But his sister makes a valiant, if somewhat hysterical, effort to escape the slooooowly creeping dread that surrounds her.

POV: the most unsettling game of Grandma’s Footsteps ever (possibly apart from the one played in Royston Vasey)

We probably don’t need to say much more about the plot – a bunch of strangers end up together in a house trying to survive, and make sense of, an inconceivable and dangerous situation. Some with more luck than others.

50+ years later, the zombies themselves might not pack the same punch (bite?) they once did, but Night of the Living Dead is still incredibly entertaining, creepy and stressful. This is the movie that cemented the modern zombie; not the Haitian undead slaves, but flesh-eating monsters with brains on their… well, brains. Interestingly enough, the word “zombie” is not used in the film – the undead are referred to as “ghouls” throughout. But you don’t fool us – we know what you really are!

A zombie, by any other name, would bite as hard

Shockingly to a lot of white audiences back at the height of the American Civil Rights Movement (and even now because the world sucks and people suck even more), the most constructive and reasonable person in the film is an African American man. Ben deals with what must be dealt with and gets shit done. Of course, once the Middle Aged White Man™ emerges from the deep dark basement, he tries to take over the leadership position. Fortunately, there are some Radical ’60s Teens™ around to help the cultural progress in the US (a.k.a. the house) and support Ben.

You don”t mess with Ben. He came there to chew bubble gum and kick undead ass. And he’s all out of bubble gum.

Progressive as that may be, the main female character is still mostly useless, prone to hysteria and easily distracted by shiny things. We can’t blame her too much, we suppose. Her reaction is pretty natural considering what she’s just gone through, which includes, but is not limited to, watching her brother be eaten by some guy in the cemetery. And as entertaining as it can be to watch characters quipping their way through mortal danger and trauma; apathy, irrationality and terror are probably more common responses to zombie apocalypses.

Flam – flames. Flames, on the side of my face, breathing-breathl- heaving breaths. Heaving breaths… Heathing…

We love this movie – it’s a regular rewatch for us, especially during spooky season (happy Halloween-month to all who observe!). From the first notes of the creepy score it is clear that this is going to be a scary ride, which it is. Not so much because of the zombies as the people and the racism, but isn’t that always the case… Night of the Living Dead is entertaining yet very dark with shocks, twists and turns. Its legacy is also undeniably significant; where would we, as a society, be without zombie movies in our horror canon? Definitely less entertained, that’s for darn tootin’.

Personally, we would hate to live in a world where every minor or major inconvenience was not met with the line “Let’s go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all this to blow over.”

What we learned: Blades don’t need reloading, and stagnation means death.

MVP: Ben. Obvi.

Next time: Once Upon a Time in the West (1968)