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#382 Funeral Parade of Roses/Bara no sôretsu

Watched: March 27 2026

Director: Toshio Matsumoto

Starring: Pîtâ, Osamu Ogasawara, Yoshio Tsuchiya, Yoshimi Jô, Emiko Azuma, Koichi Nakamura, Flamenco Umeji, Saako Oota, Toyosaburo Uchiyama

Year: 1969

Runtime: 1h 45min

Have you ever wanted to watch a reinterpretation of Oedipus Rex, but with drag, drugs and documentary-style digressions? Well, you won’t believe what we have for you today! (Also, if you know a word on “d” which means nonlinear, let us know at 1000filmsblog@gmail.com. We had to make a terrible choice between alliteration and accuracy in our opening line.)

Don’t worry. We’ll take a long, hard look at ourselves in the mirror.

Funeral Parade of Roses is a movie that should be experienced, so we’ll keep our summary brief. In short, we’re in Japan in the swinging sixties, moving through the gay-, trans- and drag-scene(s) via nonlinear storytelling, interviews and intertitles. The main narrative follows Eddie, a gei boi who works at a bar in Tokyo and is sexually involved with its manager, Gonda. Gonda is also in a relationship with the madam of the club, Leda, who is basically Eddie’s boss/superior. We’re introduced to several side characters from Tokyo’s underground culture – young people from all walks of life who take drugs and make art while enjoying the sexual liberation of the 1960s.

Pictured: an awkward glimpse behind the scenes of a sex scene. We particularly enjoy the jealous partner of one of the participants lurking in the corner and judging everyone’s performance.

This movie is very experimental, very ’60s and very stylish. It’s a fascinating look into queer culture in ’60s Japan, and we loved the way it blurred the line between reality and fiction. It’s beautifully shot, and Pîtâ’s Eddie in particular is compelling to watch. We also loved Guevara with his feux beard, the soundtrack, the editing and the general vibe. Not to mention the twist!

“Are you serious??? You’re going to mention the twist? Motherfu…”

Funeral Parade of Roses is cool, subversive, bold and brave for its time. Though, to be completely honest, if we met the group of artists depicted in this movie today, we’d be terribly bored by their drug enduced self indulgence. Times have changed a bit in that regard… We still found the film both moving and engaging. And experiencing new sides of drag and queer culture from a non-western point of view is always refreshing and interesting.

The decapitations were unexpected though. Did not see that coming at all.

What we learned: Something about absent fathers, maybe? And that drag and gender expressions come in many forms.

MVP: Eddie. And her wig game. Or possibly Sofokles.

Next time: I Start Counting (1969)

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#381 Frankenstein Must be Destroyed

Watched: March 15 2026

Director: Terence Fisher

Starring: Peter Cushing, Veronica Carlson, Simon Ward, Freddie Jones, Thorley Walters, Maxine Audley, George Pravda, Geoffrey Bayldon

Year: 1969

Runtime: 1h 41min

Can you ever get enough Frankenstein? The only acceptable answer is “Hell no!” So off we go again.

Baron Frankenstein (Cushing) is up to his usual hijinks, collecting human parts to reanimate the dead. However, one cannot live off of already deceased body parts alone – sometimes one requires fresher ingredients. So a-slaying one must go! Unfortunately, an ill-fated burglar has chosen the Baron’s hideout for his own latest exploits, and when the hapless thief stumbles across Frankenstein’s current project he panics and notifies the authorities. Thus, the Baron must abandon his work and find a new base of operations.

Pro tip: if you break into a secret lair and this is the style of decorations, don’t stick around. It’s never worth it. Well, maybe once, but the odds are not in your favour.

Frankenstein takes a room in a boarding house run by Anna Spengler (Carlson). It takes him about 5 minutes to alienate the other lodgers. Then another 5 minutes to find blackmail material on his landlady and her fiancé Dr. Holst (Ward), which he then uses to usurp control of her house as well as procure the services of Spengler and Ward. As is tradition, the Baron’s obsession is still the idea of cheating death, but his new version of this is to develop a method for brain transplantation, allowing brilliant men (let’s face it…) to continue their lives even after their bodies no longer function.

“In hindsight, perhaps we should have tried to hide our shady drug dealings from our random, unvetted tenants at least a tiny little bit…”

This is quite a dark version of the legendary character. In fairness, the original novel is also very dark, but one can argue that at least Frankenstein’s motives were fairly good, and he wasn’t overly cruel to anyone. Except his creation… Ok, so he’s always been a cunt. But this incarnation is cruel and sadistic, which isn’t always the case in portrayals of Frankie-boy.

He may not always know where his next brain is going to come from, but his heart is usually in the right place! (We’ll see ourselves out…)

Is that the justification for the rape-scene, we wonder? Because that felt very gratuitous and out of character. The only reason we could come up with (once our theory of possible impregnation and thus a continuation of the legacy or similar turned out to be wrong) was that the scene was included to really cement how horrible this man is. Let’s face it – Peter Cushing is going to have us rooting for him unless his character is quite literally the worst! We were happy to watch him murder, kidnap, and perform illegal medical experiments – a man has to have his hobbies, right? But we draw the line at rape, and that is where he lost us and our sympathies turned to his opponents instead. In that respect, we suppose the scene was not so much gratuitous as it was neccessary to snap us out of our adoration of the magical being that was Peter Cushing.

“I have seriously broken the law!” Actual quote from movie

We absolutely loved this. The opening scene with the unfortunate Dr. Heidecke and the almost equally unfortunate burglar, the light and shadow-work, Cushing in all his glory (and his smoking jacket), the exposition dialogue, Frankenstein’s arrogance and demeanor, the costumes (the hat game was especially strong!), and the investigators led by Inspector Frisch (Walters) were all amazing, and we enjoyed every second of it. Except the rape scene. But we have landed on the side of it being necessary as nothing less could have turned us against this Baron.

It’s a scientific impossibility to thoroughly hate a man in such a fancy smoking jacket.

What we learned: Don’t bury bodies by a water main.

MVP: Peter Cushing

Next time: Funeral Parade of Roses (1969)

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#380 Easy Rider

Watched: February 21 2026

Director: Dennis Hopper

Starring: Peter Fonda, Dennis Hopper, Jack Nicholson, Toni Basil, Karen Black

Year: 1969

Runtime: 1h 35min

So, our plan was to post this very quickly after Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, as the two are a natural double feature. Then suddenly Easter was upon us, and if you know anything about Norwegian Easter you know that we were bound by centuries old oaths to leave civilization, huddle up in a cabin somewhere with no electricity or wifi, and eat our weight in pølse and kvikk lunsj while reading crime novels. In other words, writing a post was out of the questions unless we wanted to carve it into a tree or rock in rune format. Which we did. But have no proof of since we had no electricity and thus our phones died before our masterpiece was done. Alas! Still, we shall attempt to reproduce our musings in digital form here.

Let’s ride!

Billy (Hopper) and Wyatt (Fonda) are born to be wild. And free. They are fond of drugs and less so of helmets. After a successful drug deal they take their now large amount of cash and ride their motorcycles towards New Orleans, destined for Mardi Gras. Along the way, they encounter characters and adventures aplenty!

It’s not that they don’t own helmets. Protective accessories just kind of mess up their vibe, you know.

Among their adventures are a mysterious hitchhiker who brings them to a hippie commune. After that, they are arrested for parading without a permit, which seems like a rule made up solely to suck all the fun out of the world. Still, their stint in the local jail is not for naught – they hit it off with fellow inmate George Hanson (Nicholson), an alcoholic lawyer well known to local law inforcement. After they are all released, Hanson tags along towards Mardi Gras.

He’s just happy to be included, bless him!

While the travellers encounter helpful and kind people, such as the hippies and the cowboys that lend them tools and a place to fix their choppers, not everyone takes kindly to hairy, freewheeling strangers passing through their towns. Because this America is not the land of the free so much as the land of the easily threatened and viciously cruel…

Is this rude? Sure. Was it justified? Absolutely. Was the retaliation in proportion to the offense? Not even adjacent to the same realm.

The similarities between Easy Rider and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid are many, though their stories are set a century apart. We have our two bffs, rootless outlaws with free spirits and even freer idea of laws, rules and boundries. They also very much enjoy doing acrobatics on bikes, which is a bit more niche than the other similarities. Motorcycles are the new horses and their riders are the new Western heroes – even their names connote their Western roots. Easy Rider is the darker one of the two movies though, both in its general tone and because it is portraying its contemporary America with all the violence and prejudice that is rampant. And yes, we say “is” even though this is set in 1969…

We’re not mad at it, we’re just surprised it happened twice in the same year…

We loved the soundtrack, the people helping people, the night out in New Orleans and the general tension we felt throughout. While parts of the movie felt slightly dated, it is a classic for a reason and definitely one to watch. If nothing else, the soundtrack alone makes it a must-see.

Now, you may think that we should have varied the imagery a bit more in this post, but to that we say: you try searching for pictures from this movie and see how much variation you can find! We’re happy to have found pics both with and without helmets. That’s about as much variety as we could hope for.

Yeah, we think this is more or less what we carved into that massive rock outside out cabin, give or take a word or two.

What we learned: It’s real hard to be free when you’re bought and sold in the marketplace.

MVP: The vibes, man!

Next time: Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed (1969)

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#379 Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

Watched: February 17 2026

Director: George Roy Hill

Starring: Paul Newman, Robert Redford, Katharine Ross, Strother Martin, Cloris Leachman, George Furth

Year: 1969

Runtime: 1h 50min

Remember our ongoing series of discovering we enjoy westerns a lot more than we thought we did? Here’s another entry! To be fair, this one we knew we liked – we’ve seen it several times before, and we’re pretty sure our dad had it recorded from TV when we were growing up. It’s been about 20 years since our last rewatch though, so we were pleasantly surprised by how good it actually is!

In fact, we were blown away! Hah!
We’ll see ourselves out…

Butch Cassidy (Newman) is the leader of the infamous Hole in the Wall-gang, a group of outlaws who rob things. Trains, banks, you name it! His position as leader is supported by his bff, sharpshooter Sundance Kid (Redford), made evident when another gang member tries to usurp control.

Cowboys who ride together, chide together! Or something…

After a successful (and very polite) train robbery (shoutout to our man Woodcock!), the pair get reckless and decide to go for a second one. With way too much dynamite (another shoutout to our man Woodcock!). However, by this point the authorities and E. H. Harriman of the Pacific Railroad have had enough and hired an elite group of trackers and hunters to ambush and kill the gang. So Butch and Kid must go on the run – they pick up Kid’s girlfriend Etta Place (Ross), and decide to go to Bolivia. Pretty much on a whim.

Etta’s reasoning for joining them. I have never felt more personally attacked by a movie character in my entire life…

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid is fantastic! We love the relationship and banter between the two leads, the myriad of entertaining side characters, the projection opening, the use of sepia, the montages, the soundtrack, the bicycle salesman, how Etta’s hats kept growing, Butch’s committment to giving sex workers orgasms, and Woodcock. The movie is very funny, very charming, and filled with excitement and adventure. It is easy to root for the outlaws despite them being criminals – in addition to their charm they are mostly nice, polite and non-violent in their interactions with their victims.

Her hat has not yet even reached its final form

We are left with some questions though:
1: How do you ride DOWN to La Paz?
2: Where is the line between a couple plus one of their best friends, and a throuple? And how (un)healthy is it to be kind of indifferent to which person in a friend group you actually date? (This miiiight go for all three of them)
3: Who are those guys?

And why leave the bicycle behind?

What we learned: Swimming lessons save lives! As do Spanish lessons. So always bring a teacher along when you go on adventures.

MVP: You can’t really have one without the other

Next time: Easy Rider (1969)

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#378 Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice

Watched: February 9 2026

Director: Paul Mazursky

Starring: Natalie Wood, Robert Culp, Dyan Cannon, Elliot Gould, Diane Berghoff

Year: 1969

Runtime: 1h 45min

Bob and Carol, a cool, trendy couple, visit “The Institute” – part couple’s retreat, part wellness camp, part New Age cult and part nudist camp. In short, everything you could nightmare of and more. They’re there in order for Bob to do research for a documentary he is planning, but they are caught up in the teachings of the place and are converted into the cult of full emotional honesty and openness. Hijinks ensue.

Hijinks include, but are not limited to, one of the most awkward attempts at an orgy ever captured on film. And quite possibly the most accurate one.

After their weekend of group hugs, feelings, close-ups and a desperate search for better orgasms (shout out to our girl Myrna!), they return to their lives with a new outlook on relationships and life in general. Which, in the tradition of newly converted cult members everywhere, they waste no time trying to impart on their (more cynical) friends Ted and Alice.

In this scene, we are Ted. Ted is us.

Then, Bob has an affair. In the spirit of their new openness he tells his wife, but her reaction is not what he expected. Carol is thrilled! She wants to know details, she commends him for being open and sharing, and she thinks it’s just the best thing ever! Which upsets Bob who then turns things around trying to make himself the victim here…

We’re right there with you, Carol…

When they share the news with Ted and Alice, the latter has trouble reconciling her idea of Bob and her friends’ marriage with this information. She becomes very upset – but don’t worry. Ted is there to console her! By trying to coerce her into sex even after she’s said no about 17 times… What a gem…

We are no longer Ted. Ted is no longer us.

We continue to follow the two couples as they explore adultery, boundries, constructed moralities, orgies and friendships, and it’s an entertaining and fun watch. Silly, a little bit sexy, frustrating at times, but overall quite enjoyable. The female characters save the movie – Carol and Alice are interesting, compelling and quite sympathetic. Bob and Ted are… a bit dull. Ted is mostly just an ass, frankly. At least Bob actually evolves and becomes a better person as the story progresses, which is nice to see.

Another highlight: the fashion! Fifty shades of Earth.

We loved Myrna at the retreat (the whole retreat, really), the awkward orgy attempt, and the creepy shrink (well, hated really, not loved. But at least he sparked a feeling which is all one can ask for in this world). Overall we had a great time with this. It is interesting to see marital rape, gender inequality, societal mores and double standards all dealt with in what is basically a sex comedy. A rather sophisticated, clever and enjoyable one at that.

Our only objection is that we wanted MORE MYRNA!

What we learned: The gazpacho was astonishing!

MVP: Myrna. We love you and your lack of orgasms.

Next time: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)

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#377 Army of Shadows/L’armée des ombres

Watched: January 15 2026

Director: Jean-Pierre Melville

Starring: Lino Ventura, Paul Meurisse, Jean-Pierre Cassel, Simone Signoret, Claude Mann, Paul Crauchet, Christian Barbier, Serge Reggiani

Year: 1969

Runtime: 2h 25min

Hey! Do you want to watch a World War II movie but you’re kind of over the big action features where good always triumphs over evil and the heroes invariably make it out of the most intricate scrapes and gruelling situations practically unscathed? Well, look no further than Army of Shadows/L’armée des ombres.

Being tied to a chair while watching is optional. The creepy stenographer in the corner is, unfortunately, not. He’ll simply appear in the room as the opening credits roll. It was quite unsettling.

In this movie, we follow various members of the French Resistance during the German occupation. Philippe Gerbier (Ventura) is arrested by the Gestapo after a betrayal. He manages to flee, and enacts his (quite practical and dispassionate) vengeance on the person who gave him up. Among his fellow Resistance buddies we find “Le Bison” (Barbier), “Le Masque” (Mann), “Ze Big Boss” (Meurisse), and… Mathilde (Signoret).

She might be Mathilde to you, but to us she will always be The Mistress of Disguise.

Other members lacking exciting code names include Jean François (Cassel) and the unfortunate Félix (Crauchet). Their missions are unglamorous and unromantic, and their actions seem motivated by a sense of what needs to be done rather than any ambition of glory or acclaim. And indeed, without giving too many spoilers, many of them will die in obscurity under false names with few or no one knowing what they did or what they sacrificed for the greater good (The Greater Gooood..).

We’re just kidding. They all lived long, happy lives, and after the war frequently met for picnics. And to stare into the nothingness while trapped in the echo of the horrors that they lived through years ago and still relive in the dark of night… But mostly picnics.

Like we said, if you’re looking for a Nazi-ass-kicking action film à la Where Eagles Dare, The Dirty Dozen, or The Great Escape, this is not it. Army of Shadows has more in common with a spy drama than any of those, but not in any James Bondesque way. Despite its occasional action scene, it’s rather quiet and slow, but it packs an emotional punch.

The chilling opening scene reminded us of Pretty Poison, where instead of a high school drill team marching during the opening credits (quite sinister in itself), there are Germans troops marching through the Arc de Triomphe (arguably a bit more sinister). The early execution scene sets the tone for the film – there’s no joy, nor any strong feelings of hatred or lust for vengeance here, just regret and somber, unavoidable reasoning.

Honestly, we’d never before encountered the problem of what do you do when your safe house/execution place gets new neighbours and you can no longer shoot your victim due to the noise. It poses quite the conundrum. We’re glad to now have a frame of reference for when we’ll inevitably find ourselves in a similar situation.

The pace is slow, and there’s very little music/score, which adds to the sense of realism in contrast to the focus on action and heroism we’re used to seeing in movies set during World War II. Even Gerbier’s escape from the clutches of the Gestapo in the beginning is rather mundane – and probably a lot more realistic than more elaborate depictions of similar events in other movies. Not that this movie is devoid of action or heroism – there’s quite a lot, but it is often less flashy. The acts of heroism are even occasionally close to pointless (we’re looking at you, Jean François. Heroic though your actions were, one could argue that they were ultimately unproductive).

That being said, any mode of resistance is important, and empathy is never wrong. Let’s all agree that we don’t want a repeat of this scenario.

We loved Mathilde, the Brits in the loft, and the dispatcher on Gerbier’s flight back from London. Not to mention the oh so subtle ways we were told the characters had arrived in the UK – the Big Ben, red telephone boxes, and the British flag over the Houses of Parliament were all very vague hints that only the most discerning viewer would be able to pick up on. We also loved the clearly ’60s hair and make-up sported by several of the ladies (clear influences by the style of the time of production in historical films and shows are always fascinating to see). Overall, Army of Shadows was another movie we probably wouldn’t have picked up if it hadn’t been on the list, but one we very much enjoyed and that we’ve thought about frequently since we watched it.

It’s not all bleak. For instance, the flight scene was hilarious!

What we learned: Resist! But also, sacrifices must be made when opposing a fascist regime…

MVP: Mathilde! We will hear no arguments! (And, sure, Gerbier as well, of course. Not to mention La Résistance. Everyone who fights back against oppression, really.)

Next time: Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice (1969)

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#376 Yellow Submarine

Watched: November 6 2025

Director: George Dunning, Dennis Abey

Starring: John, Paul, George and Ringo. But also played by John Clive, Geoffrey Hughes, Peter Batten and Paul Angelis. Featuring Dick Emery and Lance Percival.

Year: 1968

Runtime: 1h 30min

It’s a tale as old as time: Blue Meanies in high heels attack a peaceful Peppernation with the aid of their sentient (evil) glove. Only Admiral Fred makes it out to get Help! (see what we did there?), in a (you guessed it) Yellow Submarine™.

Where do you even start solving a problem like murderous gloves and men with fish hands? (Those are fish hands, right? With human teeth? Or are we way off here?)

Fred ends up in Liverpool where he picks up Ringo, John, George and Paul. Together, they must travel back to Pepperland to save the land through music. Along the way, they encounter several creatures and experience many adventures. They also pick up The Nowhere Man, aka. Jeremy Hillary Boob, Ph. D. – a creature of many talents and infinite rhymes.

He is strangely adorable. In a very unsettling kind of way.

Yellow Submarine is silly, surreal and weird. In many ways a mix of genius and stupidity, it is very enjoyable, and the pun game is excellent. We’re clearly not the target audience though – while we both enjoy The Beatles, we’re more casual fans and were born too late to experience full on Beatlemania. Also, psychedelic drugs were no longer en vogue by the time we were old enough to start experimenting, so we feel like we might never fully grasp the significance of this feature the way its contemporary audience would have experienced it.

You know, the fish hands are starting to make sense now. Notoriously hard to get right, hands.

Still, we loved the creatures, the Nowhere Man, the animation style, and the general vibe. We might mostly recommend it to fans of the band though. Or fans of mind-altering drugs. Perhaps preferably fans of both.

Additionally, fans of Whack-A-Mole might also find much to enjoy in this movie.

What we learned: When in doubt, try a few buttons.

MVP: Drugs… And the soundtrack.

Next time: Army of Shadows (1969)

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#375 Wild in the Streets

Watched: January 24 2026

Director: Barry Shear

Starring: Christopher Jones, Shelley Winters, Diane Varsi, Hal Holbrook, Richard Pryor, Millie Perkins, Ed Begley

Year: 1968

Runtime: 1h 37min

Happy New Year, everyone! Sorry for the lack of activity, but we’ve been very busy and important people, travelling the world everywhere from Cambodia to Kirkenes on the Norwegian/Russian border (alright – only those two places, but still. Very important!) with little time to watch movies or write about them. Now we’re back and we bring you 2026’s first review, Wild in the Streets (1968).

Like our protagonist Max, we walked away from a past on fire (in our case, 2025) with high hopes for the future. Unlike Max, our future (2026) immediately became a much larger dumpster fire than the past had ever even aspired to be.

Remember Privilege? Well, Wild in the Streets is its slightly sillier American cousin. Max Flatow (Jones) grows up with an overbearing mother, a volatile family life, and some psychopathic tendencies. He runs away and reinvents himself as Max Frost – an incredibly accomplished pop star surrounded by other precocious young people ranging in age from 14 to 25.

He also amasses a huge amount of crazed fans

Max is approached by Congressman Johnny Fergus (Halbrook) who is running for Senate and who wants to lower the voting age to 18. His sons are huge fans of Max, and Fergus sees him as a way of getting support from the younger generation. However, the politician gets more than he bargained for when Max and his vast following become more and more involved in the politics of it all. First, they insist on further lowering the voting age – not to 18 but 15. They then manage to get Max’s girlfriend Sally LeRoy (Varsi), a former child star with a strong penchant for acid and an equally strong aversion to clothes, voted into the Senate to really change things up. And change things they do…

She is mostly naked, but whenever Sally does deign to put on clothes, her fashion sense is impeccable!

Parallel to all this, Max’s estranged mother Daphne (Winters) does her best to capitalize on her son’s success while desperately clinging to her own fading youth. She also completely steals the show! And possibly commits vehicular manslaughter (which somehow never comes back to bite anyone in the ass. We were expecting Chekhov’s Dead Child™, but we never hear of the incident again).

Her journey of reinvention to fit whatever narrative she perceives at any given time is a joy to behold

We quite enjoyed this, although when it comes to the idea of abusing pop cultural icons for political power, we personally think Privilege was a better executed version. However, we loved the swinging ’60s vibe, Max’s truly horrible hairstyle (you need to see it from the back!), Sally LeRoy’s fashion sense (less is truly more), the crazy mama Daphne, and the fact that no one really came off well in this. It was a wild ride indeed! Still, as over the top as the story arch and the portrayal of the political process were, the plot was still not as silly as electing a failed business man and reality TV star as president. But somehow less dangerous.

Sure, perhaps ageism can be a bad as racism and fascism, but this fictional USA is definitely not as sinister as its real, current counterpart.

Now, as ancient over-forties (Sister the Youngest had her 40th birthday in December! Happy birthday!), we were naturally sceptical to the idea of anyone over 35 being considered obsolete and put out to pasture. On the other hand, if someone allowed us to retire at 30 and then put us in a commune with free drugs from the age of 35, we might not be entirely opposed to the idea… Although we suspect we’d be over it pretty quickly. Expecially as the compound was full of other people. Which Hell truly is made up of.

What we learned: The power of rock compels you. Dealing in absolutes is rarely productive. And again – stop blindly worshipping people!

MVP: Max’s mom! Shelley Winters, you absolute legend.

Next time: Yellow Submarine (1968)

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#374 Where Eagles Dare

Watched: November 15 2025

Director: Brian G. Hutton

Starring: Richard Burton, Clint Eastwood, Mary Ure, Patrick Wymark, Michael Hordern, Donald Houston, Peter Barkworth, William Squire, Robert Beatty, Brook Williams, Derren Nesbitt, Ingrid Pitt

Year: 1968

Runtime: 2h 38min

High in the Bavarian mountains, an American Brigadier General is being held by the Nazis as a POW. A team of British MI6 agents is formed and tasked with rescuing him before he spills important secrets. Led by Major Smith (Burton), they are joined by (smoldering) American Army Ranger Schaffer (Eastwood) and dropped off in the mountains from midair disguised as German soldiers.

“Ok, boys! Let’s practice. Repeat after me: ‘Hallo. Guten morgen. Bitte. Danke. Ich heiße. Auf wiedersehen. Ich möchte ein Bier. Tschüss.’ You got that? Great! Then I think we’re all ready. This should go smoothly.”

Now, you may think that this will be a straight forward let’s-break-into-the-castle-and-get-our-guy-and-go-home-again-lads kind of a story. But you would be mistaken. There are traitors and secrets and twists and turns galore! Double and triple crossings. Spies and lovers and friendships. And explosions. So. Many. Explosions.

Impressively, they managed to throw in a couple of competent and bad ass female characters as well. We approve.

Because of the many twists and turns, we don’t want to spoil anything by giving away too much of the plot. We’ll just urge you to watch this, because it is amazing. We have mentioned that we have been very pleasantly surprised by the westerns we’ve watched for the list, and the same goes for a lot of the war movies (those are six different links, btw. Don’t say we never do anything for you). This is not the first genre we’re instinctly drawn to (even though we grew up with a father who watched a lot of war movies and who also read the books they were based on), but we find ourselves enjoying them immensely.

Then again, any movie with an action sequence set on a cable car is bound to be a winner.

Where Eagles Dare is fun, exciting, entertaining and intricate, and also extremely stressful. It also features the most Gestapo guy that ever Gestapoed (Gestapod? Gestaped..?).

He’s giving 98% Gestapo with just a touch of Nigel from Top Secret (1984)

Both Burton and Eastwood are fantastic, as are the rest of the cast, but one could argue that the real star of the movie is Explosions™. Everything explodes. Did you know that German cars in the 1940s had built in explosives that went off randomly if they bumped into something? Or if they went down a steep hill? Or if the tyres stopped touching the ground for two seconds? Or if someone looked at it funny? We didn’t either until we watched Where Eagles Dare. Why they made them like that, we don’t know. Then again, we question a lot of choices made in Germany around that time, so this might have followed some inexplicable logic understood only by fascists.

Believe it or not, this is just a normal German car that was caught in a mild gust of wind. Our leading theory is that the cars were actually built by political prisoners who did what they could to defeat the third reich. Well done!

In addition to the frequently exploding cars, our heroes have brought enough dynamite to take down all of Bavaria, and they are not afraid to use it. There’s not a situation they face that can’t be improved with an explosion or two.

Although sometimes they use guns, just to mix it up a bit. It’s important not to become complacent.

We loved the actors, the characters, the many twists and turns, the balls-to-the-walls action, the gorgeous matte paintings, the sets, the stunts, the clearly ’60s hair and make-up, the cable car and all the burning cars. Not to mention the fact that Clint Eastwood, who looks about as American as it is possible to look, tries to pass for a German soldier. Now, it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what an “American” is supposed to look like, but he is it. You could look at that man completely out of any context, and 99% of people would go “Hey, look at that American guy!” (Then, most of them would add “He’s ridiculously handsome!” Especially if he smoldered at them.)

Pictured: obviously NOT a German

What we learned: Old timey movie kisses look incredibly uncomfortable. Also, Clint Eastwood is smolder incarnate.

MVP: Dynamite. And Clint Eastwood’s smolder.

Next time: Wild in the Streets (1968)

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#373 The Thomas Crown Affair

Watched: November 7 2025

Director: Norman Jewison

Starring: Steve McQueen, Faye Dunaway, Paul Burke, Jack Weston, Nora Marlowe

Year: 1968

Runtime: 1h 42min

A heist is going down. And what a heist! There are several people in play, lots of phone booth coordination, heaps of money at stake, and a criminal mastermind at the reins. This mastermind is Thomas Crown (McQueen) – a rich business man stealing money basically for the hell of it, or out of boredom. Or to prove to himself that he is as smart as he thinks he is. But is he..?

Steve McQueen? More like Smuggy McSmugface, amirite? HAH!
We’ll see ourselves out…

The heist goes off fairly smoothly, with only one shot fired and no casualties. It leaves behind many frustrated men in suits, but sadly very few leads. Then, someone makes the excellent decision of bringing in insurance detective/glamourous super sleuth Vicki Anderson (Dunaway) to assist in the investigation. She gets to work and quickly narrows their suspects down to a certain Thomas Crown based on… well, we’re not quite sure. A hunch? A vibe? Wanting to bone him? The logic is not entirely sound, but at least it turns out to be 100% correct.

She then goes to work to catch her man. Her surveillance method of “bring a beast of a camera and then make eye contact with the target the entire time” is about as subtle as a freight train to the face

The only problem now is that they do not have any evidence to tie him to the crime. Luckily Vicki, passionately dedicated to her job, is willing to start a whole relationship with this man to prove her suspicion true. So their cat and mouse-/spy vs. spy-game begins.

They literally play chess about things

This was a bit uneven for us – there were things we absolutely loved about The Thomas Crown Affair, and things we’re more unsure of. We loved Faye Dunaway, and Steve McQueen is always charismatic af. However, once their relationship began, the film sort of lost some of its nerve and tension. Don’t get us wrong – there were some great scenes between them, and we loved Vicki throughout the entire film. Especially her sense of self: “I know who I am. Don’t put your labels on me.”

And what she is is an icon. An icon with an impressive and extensive hat collection.

I suppose we just didn’t quite buy into her falling for a bored little rich man who robbed a bank just for the hell of it. Now, if he was a suave art thief or something, we’d be all for it! Stealing art or artefacts in the style of Pierre Despereaux is cool (in fiction we mean, nice police people. We would never promote criminal activity in real life). Stealing money when you’re already rich is just… tacky. The film also felt as though they skipped some very important steps in the narrative, particularly how the investigators figured out how the heist was orchestrated and how they ended up with Thomas Crown as a suspect.

Was it the short shorts? It was probably the short shorts. We suspect everything could be traced back to the short shorts…

Still, we loved the stylish and cool heist in the beginning, the split screen which we also saw in The Boston Strangler (so hot in the ’60s), the built in wall bar with the fridge (we want one! Each!), Vicki Anderson – insurance sleuth extraordinaire, and the ending. There was something very satisfying about how they both stayed true to who they were in the end. Overall, we thought the first half was better than the last, but we had a very good time with this.

This! This is what we want in life! It even has a built in fridge!
Swanky man optional.

What we learned: It must be so hard to be rich and bored…

MVP: Marcie! For the vibes. And also the aran sweaters.

Next time: Where Eagles Dare (1968)