Starring: Burt Lancaster, Janet Landgard, Janice Rule, Marge Champion, Joan Rivers, Nancy Cushman, House Jameson, Tony Bickley
Year: 1968
Runtime: 1h 35min
Welcome to the surreal world of The Swimmer. You’re in for quite a ride… Ned Merrill (Lancaster) is running around in his bathing suit in a gorgeous woodland, as people do. He drops by some old friends’ backyard and goes for a swim in their pool. The friends are hungover from the night before, and have not seen Ned for aaaaages. But they love him, and he’s such a great guy. While reminiscing with them, Ned has the brilliant idea to swim all the way home, by way of his neighbours’ pools which form a “river” the entire way. Off he goes!
But not without a drink in his hand. He’s not an animal.
As he makes his wet way towards his house he meets several old friends and acquaintances, but the vibe changes discernibly as he gets closer and closer to home. In the beginning, all the people he meets are old friends who clearly see him as a good guy, although they all get a bit weird whenever his wife or daughters are brought up. But as he gets closer to home, the people he encounters are increasingly hostile and keep hinting more and more to something that clearly has gone wrong in Ned’s life. Our “hero” also goes super sleazy with Julie (Landgard), a young girl who used to babysit for his kids. Things get gradually darker and weirder until he finally reaches “home.”
It starts off so innocently. Even bringing along his very young former babysitter seems wholesome at first. Until it’s not…
We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into, but we were hooked from the start. We loved how our view of Ned changed throughout the movie – from seeming to be a nice enough man (and just a little bit inappropriate with all the women he knew) in the beginning, to a creepy, cheating, horrible narcissist at the end.
This scene with his former mistress is the best depiction we’ve seen of a man completely unravelling when he finds out a woman has faked her orgasms. Actual quote: “You loved it. You loved it. We both loved it. YOU LOVED IT!” And she’s just there like “Sure, Jan.”
The Swimmer kept us questioning throughout, and we came up with about 271 theories on what was actually going on. What happened to his daughters? His wife? Is this a sort of “life flashing before his eyes” scenario? Are we in purgatory? Is he senile? Is this a portrayal of his gradual corruption and entitlement throughout his life told through a swimming pool voyage? ‘Twas a mystery wrapped in an enigma. In the end, things start coming together and some questions are answered, but we’re still not 100% sure what exactly we just watched. That being said, we loved it (actually loved it. It wasn’t just a man telling us we did).
Another bit of unravelling: at the first pools people find him quirky and charming for going around in his swim trunks at a clothed event. As he progresses, not so much…
Among our favourite things were the ’60s parties he kept crashing (such a vibe!), the Hallorans, the way we liked Ned less and less as we went along, his increasingly fragile ego and psyche, and the many mysteries hidden in the plot. Also, the beautiful scenery added to the film’s dreamlike quality which, granted, gradually descended into a nightmare. Watch it!
Preferably through a closed, rusted fence with an anguished look on your face as you gradually realise the reality of your existence and slowly descend into madness and despair. It’s what we did.
What we learned: Dude! No means NO!!!
MVP: The pools. Or, possibly, the narrative technique. Or Ned’s fragile male ego.
Director: Federico Fellini, Louis Malle, Roger Vadim
Starring: Jane Fonda, Brigitte Bardot, Alain Delon, Terence Stamp, Peter Fonda
Year: 1968
Runtime: 2h 1min
Spooctober continues (we expand it into November as well. And occasionally December. Not to mention January! There’s nothing scarier than a blank slate and new opportunities, after all…), and coincidentally there are quite a few fitting films coming up on the list. Such timing! In Spirits of the Dead, three directors have each made a short film based on the works of our child- and adulthood hero Edgar Allan Poe. Artistic liberties have been taken, but in each entry Poe’s spirit is present. And he is in fact dead. So the (English) title checks.
We like to think his spirit still roams wild on Hampstead Heath. Close to the meat.
Director Roger Vadim is behind the first segment, “Metzengerstein.” Here, cruel, oversexed countess Frédérique de Metzengerstein (Fonda) falls for her cousin/enemy/rival/neighbour Wilhelm Berlifitzing (also Fonda, but this time Peter), burns down his stables when he rejects her, then grows obsessed with a horse that appears out of nowhere just as Wilhelm accidentally dies in the fire. Well, technically the horse seems to appear out of a tapestry. Either way, clearly a supernatural horse. It does not end well for her.
There’s a joke in here somewhere about stallions and getting wet, but we’re better than that.
The second adaptation, Louis Malle’s “William Wilson,” follows the titular character (Delon) as he is confronted by kindness and positive qualities, things he himself does not possess in the slightest. As he goes around bullying and torturing school mates, trying to start a serial killer career by dissecting a random (and still alive) woman he picked up from the street (with a willing audience of equally psychotic medical students, it seems? WTF, guys???), and cheating at cards (ok, this one sounds relatively mild compared to the others, but he does it in order to strip and whip a woman (Bardot) in front of yet ANOTHER audience of men before offering her up for them to rape. So the cheating really was just a means to an end), he is repeatedly thwarted by a doppelganger (or the Jekyll to his Hyde, if you will). And Wilson is pretty darned indignant about it! It does not end well for him.
We see you, guys in the background who just stand by. You’re all equally culpable.
The final, and in our opinion best, entry is Fellini’s “Toby Dammit,” based on the story “Never Bet the Devil Your Head.” Now, while it might be the segment that diverges the most from the story on which it is based (it is also the only one where they did not keep the title or the historical setting), it is also the most successful (in our opinion). Toby (Stamp) is a messed up, alcoholic actor visiting Italy to star in a Catholic western and drive a Ferrari, who keeps seeing the devil everywhere. This devil is in the form of a little girl with a ball as opposed to Poe’s old man with just a girly hairstyle (actual quote: “his hair was parted in front like a girl’s”). Toby’s behaviour becomes increasingly unhinged as he falls deeper into the bottle as well as his own visions, climaxing in a wild Ferrari ride. It does not end well for him.
“Dress for the job you want, not the one you have,” they say. “Dress like a sickly Byronic vampire and reap the consequences,” we say.
Poe’s original story “Never Bet the Devil Your Head” is a hilariously passive aggressive response to his critics who accused him (and/or his tales) of lacking morals. So he wrote the most blatantly moral tale he could come up with. It is definitely worth reading if you have not – the tone is hilarious. However, it may not be the easiest story to make into an interesting film, so Fellini’s decision to basically keep only the ending and a slightly morally dubious protagonist is an understandable one. And as stated, this entry was our favourite, despite us being Poe-purists at heart.
“Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night” What a legend!
While the three shorts have varying degrees of connection with the source material, they have all definitely tried to sex it up quite a bit. Poe wasn’t really known for his spicy content – he was more about the implied incest and necrophelia than explicit sexual stuff. So, much more pure. In Vadim’s “Metzengerstein,” the young count Frederic has become sexy Frédérique, and the old neighbour Berlifitzing has become young, alluring, and a cousin to boot. So at least Poe’s incest motif has been honoured, we guess. William Wilson, while always an unlikable character has, in Malle’s version, become a sexual sadist in addition to your ordinary, run-of-the-mill everyday sadist from the short story.
Admittedly, it’s been a while since we read “Metzengerstein.” It is entirely possible that Frederic wore this exact outfit in the story and the adaptation is true to its source material.
We loved the costumes, Terence Stamp, Jane Fonda, the Devil, the stressful Ferrari ride, the Catholic Western that Toby’s set to star in (complete with cowboy Jesus and all), the award ceremony and basically everything about Fellini’s entry. We also enjoyed the fact that these filmmakers have chosen relatively unknown Poe tales to adapt (at least, lesser known compared to “the big ones”). This may of course be related to the fact that there were supposed to be more directors and stories filmed for the series, but one by one they all dropped out, leaving the three we have today. While the project may not have reached the heights originally envisioned, the ones that were completed are definitely worth a watch, and the film is a perfect choice for Halloween (which, as you all know, is celebrated from October 1st through (at least) November 30th).
I believe we just found this year’s costume
What we learned: Dammit, Toby! Also, if you stand by and do nothing, or participate in the slightest, when people are trying to rape or kill, you’re as culpable as the perp. Do better!
Officer Sam Woods (Oates) is doing his rounds in a small Mississippi town when he comes across a dead body. The dead man turns out to Mr Colbert – an investor come to build industry and save the town. There also happens to be a black man waiting for a train at the station, so obviously Woods arrests him for the murder.
“Well sir, he was behaving in a very suspect sort of a way. He was reading while being black.”
Virgil Tibbs (Poitier), the man arrested, is brought to the Chief of Police Gillespie (Steiger) and questioned. It turns out he is far from a suspect – he is in fact a homicide investigator from Philadelphia. Better than that, he is the homicide investigator in Philadelphia. So his boss suggests he stays behind in Sparta to help solve the murder.
“This is a local murder for local people! There’s nothing for you here!”
Source
Tibbs is great at his job, something Gillespie recognises despite his racist views. In this small Southern town a black investigator meets with a lot of resistance though, and especially the local Angry Young Men™ mob up to kill him. After some potentially lethal encounters, Gillespie advices Tibbs to leave, but he is unable to walk away from a case. Can the unlikely duo solve it and survive the investigation?
“Actually Chief, we’re presidentially sanctioned Proud Angry Young Boys™. We think you’ll find our tiny dicks are proof of this. We suggest you step out of our way and let us deal with our insecurity by letting a rich white man use us for his own benefit.”
Even on a freezing December evening in Norway, we could feel the oppressive heat of Sparta, Mississippi. In the Heat of the Night is exciting and unnerving, and edge-of-your-seat tense. Unfortunately, it says a lot about the world that it did not even occur to us for the first hour that Tibbs could survive the movie… It’s a sad statement indeed.
Despite being over 50 years old, it’s still a relevant movie. Its themes of racism, prejudice and social distancing seem surprisingly modern and contemporary!
Sidney Poitier is mesmerising, the chemistry between him and Rod Steiger is great, the mystery is as intriguing as the exploration of racism and prejudice, and the soundtrack is excellent. This is what you get when you combine a fantastic cast, director and script. It’s a sort of buddy-cop movie, a social commentary drama, a character study, and a great murder mystery all wrapped up in one. We loved it!
Trust us, it’s worth watching for this scene alone. Fight the power!
Starring: Vanessa Redgrave, David Hemmings, Sarah Miles, John Castle, Verushka, Jane Birkin, Peter Bowles, Gillian Hills
Year: 1966
Runtime: 1h 51min
Disclaimer: You may experience some unscheduled breaks between blog posts. This is perfectly normal and nothing to panic about. The delays may be due to the fact that Trondheim is finally sunny and thus blogging sisters must spend as much time as possible outdoors before the temperature drops again (and it will). Other delays may happen because of Sister the Youngest’s fancy new job which she started this month. Please be patient, and we’ll be back to normal in no time at all. Or in a while. Who knows?
Thomas (Hemmings) is a self-centred asshole fashion photographer in swinging London. He is also, as spoiled, rich people often are in movies, bored and disillusioned.
“Do I objectify women? Of course not! I open my shirt while I’m working and have them squirm half naked underneath me because it’s the professional thing to do.”
After stalking a couple in a park and ignoring the woman’s request that he stops taking her picture, he is surprised to find the same woman (Redgrave) at his studio. She has come to ask for her pictures back, even going so far as to offer sexual favours for their return.
“I might consider giving you the film if you get half naked and squirm a bit…”
He eventually gives her a film roll, but not the one she’s after. Instead, when she leaves he develops the pictures. But what he finds is unexpected: did he acidentally capture a murder on film?
Our favourite scene in Blow-Up was the titular one: where Thomas develops the photos and gradually blows up parts of the images to reveal what was hidden in the background. It’s very well done and exciting to watch.
Pictured: our second favourite scene and coincidentally our new summer wardrobe.
We also enjoyed the mystery of what really happened in the park and who the woman was. However, if you’re looking for a mystery which neatly wraps up in the end, stay away! You will find no resolution here.
Although, according to some sources, you will find the pubic hair of one of these lovely ladies. So if that’s your fetish, enjoy!
What you will find are such things as excellent mod fashion, great (occasionally stressful) music, gratuitous nudity, an asshole protagonist (who is also a clear inspiration for Austin Powers, but without the charm), beautiful photography, a very Norwegian rock concert audience (no one moves!), an amazing old antiques-dealer who reminded us a bit of Rebecca Femm (“Can’t have landscapes!”), and existential crises.
Oh, and there are mimes. But don’t let that put you off. It’s actually very tastefully done.
Overall, we enjoyed this movie. We HATED the protagonist, and the fact that no one seems to have a name (except Ron) made it confusing to take notes as we were watching (yes, we take notes. We are that nerdy…), but it is beautiful to look at and intriguing to watch.
Life lesson: don’t be like creepy Thomas. Don’t take photos of strangers and then refuse to stop when they ask you to. Have we mentioned that Thomas sucks? ‘Cause he does!
When Ann Lake (Lynley) comes to pick up 4 year old Bunny from preschool, the child is nowhere to be found. Not only that – she has not been seen by anyone the entire day.
“Hi! It’s my daughter’s first day of school in a new country! I couldn’t find anyone, so I left her to her own devices in an empty room. I’m sure someone will come find her eventually. If not, maybe you can check in on her at some point during the day, random stranger. Gotta dash! Ladida, mother of the year!”
As she desperately starts searching for her girl, Ann finds that she has trouble convincing people that Bunny really exists. Apart from her brother Steven (Dullea), no one in England has ever seen the girl since they came over from the USA – not even the audience.
“Darling sister – are you sure you remembered to take her with you when you moved..?”
Even Bunny’s things have gone missing from their new house, and supercreepy landlord Horacio Wilson (Coward) cannot remember seeing them despite being very invasive while Ann was unpacking her toys and clothes. And now we are no longer sure there ever was a girl. But fear not! Superintendent Newhouse (Olivier) is on the case and determined to get to the bottom of the mystery!
“And when she said her daughter was missing, what did you do then?” “Well, I tried to dick her, of course!” “Ah yes, naturally. “
We loved this SO much! The characters are amazing and the mystery is very well done. Carol Lynley is wonderful as the increasingly frustrated and desperate Ann (while looking very much like a 1960s Keri Russell. Or the other way around, we suppose). Noël Coward is Creepy McCreeperson, Keir Dullea is slightly sinister, and Laurence Olivier’s Newhouse is likable from his very first appearance.
Trying to figure out who to believe and what is really going on was fun and kept us guessing (although our suspicions were eventually confirmed. Yay us!) Despite her slow start, Ann turned out to have agency and cunning – she was not just a damsel in distress!
Even surrounded by eerie dolls, she puts to shame all those men who question her sanity. Take that, woman-not-being-believed-by-authorities-when-she-worries-about-her-child-trope!
Myra Savage (Stanley) holds seances in her house for a living, but she feels very underappreciated. With her gift she should be more famous! Luckily her “spirit guide” has an excellent idea. Why not assist in a kidnapping case and get loads of publicity?
“It is my right. I am a special snowflake. The spirits tell me so.”
The unfortunate lack of local missing children will not stop this gal – if no children are willing to go missing for such a noble cause, she will just have to rope her submissive husband Bill (Attenborough) into taking care of it.
“Don’t think of it as a felony. Think of it as a bonding exercise to save our marriage. 9 out of 10 therapists recommend trying new things together!”
With little Amanda Clayton safely stashed in the nursery, Myra contacts the anguished parents to offer her services. For free, of course. She would never consider making money off of other people’s misery.
“Why, officer, that would be completely immoral. I would not dream of charging this wealthy couple for helping them. But there’s nothing wrong with getting my name in the paper, is there?”
This movie is so good! It’s an intriguing and engaging psychological thriller, and very atmospheric. Thematically (and atmospherically) it would go excellently with The Haunting and The Innocents for a creepy-and-suspenseful-with-possible-supernatural-elements British triple feature extravaganza. A little Halloween tip for all you non-party people out there.
This is our perfect Halloween. Preferably with even fewer people.
We loved the mysterious start and the gradual exposition. The relationship between Myra and Bill is fascinating, manipulative and very unhealthy, and it is extremely well portrayed by the two stars.
“Look dear, when I said I wanted you to dress up in a nurse’s uniform this was NOT what I had in mind!”
What we learned: The best laid plans… Also, does “The Swan and Edgar” still exist? ‘Cause that’s a name we can get behind! (Apologies if this is like a super-famous place that we Norwegians have somehow missed. Our cultural knowledge is vast yet limited.)
Isabella, a model at a large fashion house, is brutally murdered and her body hidden in a closet. As the investigation gets on, it soon becomes apparent that a serial killer is on the loose. No gorgeous lady is safe!
Isabella’s diary, where she had detailed every vice and sin of everyone connected to the fashion house, soon surfaces, which is not popular among her friends and colleagues. As the diary is passed around from model to model, the killer starts going after each one in turn, disposing of them in various brutal (and lurid) ways.
Remind us never to buy from that fashion house. Every stitch of clothing rips apart the second a psycho tries to murder you. #notimpressed
This movie was tailor made for us (no pun intended). Serial killers and gorgeous dresses? Those are our top two areas of interest and expertise! As always in Bava movies, we loved the colours and the lighting. We were completely in love with the red mannequins and all the curtains, and the scene where they prepped for the show was pure perfection.
The killer’s mask is simple but amazingly unsettling
For giallo and/or horror fans, if you have the opportunity (and the inclination), we would recommend you watch both the English and the Italian versions. You’ll get two slightly different stories and it’s very fascinating!
But seriously: do not buy from “Christian’s Haute Couture.” Especially not tops. V low quality
After a (slightly hostile) meet-cute, Melanie Daniels (Hedren), a socialite and prankster so good she makes news headlines, is intrigued by attorney Mitch Brenner (Taylor). She decides to stalk him, and follows him back to his weekend hideaway outside the city.
Cause stalking is cute when a pretty, rich girl does it, but when we try it we’re slapped with a restraining order…
Once there, Melanie ingratiates herself with Mitch’s ex and scores a dinner invite with his family where she learns that he is currently going through his Freudian phase – Melanie is the spit of his overbearing mother Lydia (Tandy).
“Would you like to stay the night? I’m sure my mother can lend you some clothes. In fact, why don’t you check her closet right now? Put something on? Please..?”
However, while Melanie and Mitch are flirting and working out their inner demons, the birds are starting to act strangely…
“Alright, quiet down. I’m glad so many of you could make this assembly. First order of business: who wants to organize this month’s bake sale? Also, let’s kill all humans.”
We don’t really need to say anything else about The Birds, do we? It’s one of the most well known and popular horror films in history, and also frequently referenced in other works. And while not all the special effects have aged gracefully, it’s still a fun watch.
And it’s a good public service reminder to always close up your fireplace when not in use.
Like Psycho, The Birds starts in one genre and ends up in a whole different place than where it was originally going. And while the eponymous birds are ever present, we’re almost halfway through the movie before they start constituting a threat and we’re reminded that we are indeed watching a Hitchcock film.
We loved the very silly lovebirds-in-the-car-scene, Mrs Sholes the bird expert lady, the focus which was on everything but the birds until they attacked, the long siege without dialogue, and the fact that there is absolutely no explanation for the sudden viciousness of nature. Classic!
Any movie which can make us fearful of these cute little things is a winner in our book
Reggie Lampert (Hepburn) is on a skiing holiday when she decides she wants a divorce from her husband. She is spared the paper work when he turns up dead, leaving her nothing but a letter and a stripped apartment.
Reggie had the foresight to pack her couture funeral outfit so at least she was appropriately dressed for the occasion
Peter Joshua (Grant), a charmer she met on holiday, tries to help her adjust to her newly widowed life. Meanwhile, CIA agent Hamilton Bartholomew (Matthau) warns her that she is in danger from her late husband’s WWII buddies who thinks she’s concealing a fortune they stole during the war.
We’re torn on the villains. On the one hand, they kidnap an innocent kid to force Reggie’s cooperation, which is a serious faux pas. On the other hand however, they actually treat him quite well and keep their word. So, all in all, about a 5 on the villain-scale.
This is how you do a spy thriller/screwball comedy! There’s twist after twist after twist, and the movie is dripping with the charm of the lead actors and the fantastic supporting actors.
They have so much chemistry we didn’t even consider the dodgy 25 year age gap
Charade is one of those movies you just have to see for yourself and no review can do it justice. Suffice to say, we loved the characters, the intro, the banter, the funeral, all the eating and the costumes by Givenchy.
Three friends accept a challenge to a drag race (though not the fun one with RuPaul) and their car ends up in the river. Only Mary Henry (Hilligoss) comes out of the water, but soon after the accident she starts to experience strange things.
“What is this thing?? How do you even drive a car?!? Who on earth placed me behind a stearing wheel?”
Newly moved to Salt Lake City, Mary finds herself slightly obsessed with an abandoned pavilion formerly used as a carnival. Even worse, she is haunted by the creepiest neighbour in the state of Utah. Oh, and also by a ghostly visage which pops up in windows, visions and dreams. But the neighbour is almost creepier than the spectre.
Let us lay some wisdom on you: if your neighbour gives you the willies worse than this guy, it’s time to move. We don’t care how low your rent is.
While Stalky McCreeperson, real name John (Berger), next door continuously tries to get in her pants, Mary tries to stay sane and perform well at her job as an organist. But she is troubled by her hallucinations (or are they?) and some unusual episodes in which all sounds disappear and people seem unable to see her. What is really going on with our heroine?
She is tormented by confusion. How can a man simultaneously look so frightening and so amiable?
Honestly, we went into this not expecting much. It’s part of a DVD box set we own with 50 horror films, and most of them are sub-par to say the least (with some notable exceptions). But we were pleasantly surprised by this atmospheric and unsettling cult classic.
This single image will haunt our dreams for the rest of our lives. And now yours. You’re welcome. #sharethetrauma
We loved the intense lighting and the reflections during Mary’s drive to Utah; the truly distressing ghosts; the main character (Mary is actually quite independent and don’t need no man!); the music; the make-up; and the dancing ghouls.
This isn’t from the film, by the way. We just really wanted to share some pictures from our New Year’s party. ‘Twas a strange affair…
Sadly, this was Herk Harvey’s only foray into the world of horror, although some of his other credits would suggest otherwise: “Dance, Little Children,” “To Touch a Child” and “Shake Hands with Danger” are all, unfortunately, enlightening and moralizing short films despite their evocative titles, and not the psychotic horror thrills we had envisioned. Our lack of research led to a very disappointing movie night indeed…
All we’re saying is, when you settle in to watch a film called “Pork: The Meal with a Squeal” directed by this guy, you expect some Hannibal Lecter stuff.
What we learned: We found 2019’s Halloween make-up. It’s a done deal now. Also, you should check out Herk Harvey’s credits as director. There are some real gems among these titles.
1000 Films Blog 