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#352 Dark of the Sun

Watched: January 9 2023

Director: Jack Cardiff

Starring: Rod Taylor, Yvette Mimieux, Jim Brown, Peter Carsten, Kenneth More, André Morell

Year: 1968

Runtime: 1h 40min

In war-torn Congo, Captain Curry and his trusted partner in crime Ruffo take on a dangerous new mission: to travel through areas of civil and military unrest to retrieve a bunch of diamonds for the new president. And what does a mission of this magnitude need? A crack team! And a mid-sized military squadron. Or battalion. Brigade? Division? Regiment? We’re not down with the lingo – we never joined the army despite our sharp wits and even sharper bayonets (a weapon much favoured among modern military forces, we’re sure). Anyway – Mercenaries Assemble!

“You know I’ll only go if there’s a guarantee that I can shoot stuff with a big-ass gun from a vehicle that’s on fire, right?” “Guaranteed!” “You son of a bitch, I’m in!”

Their band of mercenaries (and one nazi) ready themselves for the adventure of a lifetime! Well, not technically a lifetime seeing as how they’re all soldiers who have been fighting in Congo for a while. More like they ready themselves for another day’s work. Either way, ready they are and off they go!

And you thought we meant nazi in the figurative way…

Along the way they run into flying attacks, a damsel in distress (who was coming along anyway, but still), child murder, chainsaw fights, inconvenient time locks, Simbas, child birth, nuns and train delays. There’s also love and betrayal, and surprisingly emotional deaths.

And, of course, a sprinkle of romance between the (anti-)hero and the only female character

Dark of the Sun (a.k.a. The Mercenaries, a.k.a. Planes, Trains and Armored Jeeps, a.k.a. Bromance – The Movie) is exciting, emotional, violent and very, very good, and we absolutely loved it! Curry might be in a gray area morally, but he firmly places himself on the right side of history, calling out racists and literal nazis throughout the movie. Also, can we talk about Curry and Ruffo? Now that is a friendship for the ages! The whole romantic thing with Claire means nothing in comparison – Curry and Ruffo is the real romance here. Also, that final fight between Curry and Nazi-boy felt incredibly brutal and real. Overall, two very enthusiastic thumbs up from Norway!

“You know she’s just a beard, right..?”

What we learned: Diamonds are a man’s worst enemy. Also, don’t bring a nazi on your mission. Or anywhere really.

Next time: Head (1968)

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#296 The Dirty Dozen

Watched: December 21 2020

Director: Robert Aldrich

Starring: Lee Marvin, Ernest Borgnine, Charles Bronson, Jim Brown, John Cassavetes, Telly Savalas, Donald Sutherland, George Kennedy, Richard Jaeckel, Trini López, Ralph Meeker, Robert Ryan, Clint Walker, Robert Webber, Tom Busby

Year: 1967

Runtime: 2h 30min

Source

We continue our criminal-men-do-fun-but-risky-stuff-together-while-paying-an-inordinate-amount-of-attention-to-their-attire with The Dirty Dozen – a suspenseful war drama featuring a host of well-known tough guys.

“We have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass . . . and bubblegum is heavily rationed so our options are limited.”

During WWII, Major Reisman (Marvin) is tasked with blowing up a French château housing a bunch of important Germans. To help with this suicide mission he enlists not the best of the best, but rather the worst of the worst: conviced rapists, murderers and other assorted criminals who are promised freedom should they happen to survive. What could possibly go wrong with this scenario?

It’s all fun and games until…oh… Eh, yes. Carry on.

A lot, it turns out. For some reason, these condemned sociopaths have trouble working together and listening to authority. Luckily, the Major understands them and knows how to get them all on the same page (hint: liquor and prostitutes will go a long way..). So gradually, they learn to cooperate, have each other’s backs, and the greatest bonding exercise known to man: burning Germans alive. Yay!

“How do I reach these kiiiiids?”

The Dirty Dozen was our family’s big Christmas movie this year and while it didn’t necessarily give us a lot of Christmas spirit, it was very good entertainment. While it all leads up to the mission itself, most of the film shows the teambuilding and training the soldiers/convicts are put through, and how their comradery grows as they get ready.

Nothing strengthens friendships like blowing shit up together. Takes us right back to our university days. Such carnage… Such bliss…

We loved the base building, the military band gag, Pinkley’s impersonation of a General (can’t go wrong with a Sutherland!), the opposition of Franko, the practise maneuvers, and of course George Kennedy. The movie is funny, exciting, tense, brutal, dramatic, ultimately heartbreaking, and we really enjoyed it.

“My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. Kamikaze soldier of the Allied Forces and proud owner of a pack of dental floss.”

What we learned: Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty. Also, don’t entrust religious fanatics with sensitive missions… Or misogynists with anything, really.

Next time: The Firemen’s Ball (1967)