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#366 Pretty Poison

Watched: September 26 2025

Director: Noel Black

Starring: Anthony Perkins, Tuesday Weld, Beverly Garland, John Randolph, Dick O’Neill, Clarice Blackburn

Year: 1968

Runtime: 1h 29min

Dennis Pitt (Perkins) is released from the psych ward where he has been treated for “dangerous fantasies.” Foreshadowing, thy name be… well, “delusional fantasies,” apparently. Deemed ready to rejoin society as a productive member, he promptly starts his new life by creeping on a high school drill team, specifically 17-year-old Sue Ann Stepanek (Weld).

The title sequence really should have been our first hint that this will not go the way it initially seems. Mea culpa.

He eventually plucks up the courage to approach her, but not as himself. Oh no, under the guise of being a secret agent – one in need of an assistant on his top secret, not at all fake mission – he tricks her into joining him to expose the environmenal crimes of the factory where he (actually) works. However, he may have bitten over more than he can chew with innocent high schooler Sue Ann.

“You work for the CIA but they do not provide you with a car, any equipment or a partner for what you say is a two person job? That does not sound suspicious at all. Hopefully, neither is my eagerness to join forces with you.”

We went in blind on this one, and we definitely recommend it – this was a wild ride from start to finish. In fact, you may want to watch it before reading this review… Pretty Poison is less well known than several other dark comedies from the era (at least to our knowledge), and it deserves a wider audience. Perkins is disturbingly good at being innocent and creepy at the same time, a perfect Dennis, and Weld is charming, chilling and chaotic as Sue Ann.

Additional shoutout to Perkins’ ability to look simultaneously 20 and 40 years old. We have absolutely no clue how old his character is supposed to be…

To us, it’s unclear how much of his fantasies and lies Dennis actually believes, and how much is just a way to manipulate a high school girl into a relationship with him. Whether or not he believes his own fantasies, we cannot escape the fact that he drugs and rapes Sue Ann, and then convinces his case officer to let him stay after breaking his parole because “he’s in love.” With a child. And that is apparently a good thing. What a world.

“I know I skipped our weekly meeting and moved away, thus breaking the conditions of my release, but you see I have met and fallen in love with a teenager, who I have convinced that I am a secret agent in dire need of help on my mission, help only a high school girl can provide mind you, and I have even tricked her into sleeping with me and I think I’m in love and you know that love is the great cure-all, so I clearly will not be a threat to society anymore!” “Well, why didn’t you say so? Go on and enjoy your life, my lad! I see no red flags here.”

Despite the sinister nature of Dennis’ manipulations and actions (regardless of his intentions and possible delusions – his reactions towards the end make us lean towards him being a manipulator and complusive liar rather than a mentally ill man who actually believes his own stories), things are not quite what they seem, and the twists and shifts in power dynamics make this a movie worth watching. The increasingly atonal march that keeps playing throughout the movie is a great illustration of Dennis’ breaking psyche, and we loved both their performances, Sue Ann’s car, Dennis’ landlady Mrs Bronson (Blackburn), and the dark humour which occasionally made us laugh out loud. Overall, a great watch.

Dennis is about to learn a lesson for the ages: nothing is scarier or more dangerous than teenage girls. This goes double for the pretty and popular ones…

What we learned: Don’t be fooled by a pretty face. Or a clearly fake cover story of spies and secret agents… And for god’s sake – don’t let your unstable, delusional ex-patients break all the rules of their parole because they enter a relationship with a minor! That is not a good sign!

MVP: Mrs Bronson. We just enjoyed her whole vibe. Or Sue Ann. What a ride!

Next time: Rosemary’s Baby (1968)

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#364 Once Upon a Time in the West

Watched: August 14 2023

Director: Sergio Leone

Starring: Claudia Cardinale, Henry Fonda, Charles Bronson, Jason Robards, Harmonica’s harmonica

Year: 1968

Runtime: 2h 45min

Mrs McBain (the recently departed Claudia Cardinale) arrives in Utah to find her brand spanking new husband and stepchildren dead. The main suspect: notorious local bandit Cheyenne (Robards). But is he being framed? Other dodgy characters in this classic western include drama queen Harmonica (Bronson) and gun-for-hire Frank (Fonda).

Claudia Cardinale in all her glory. We seem to remember enjoying her character immensely!

So, full disclosure: we watched this over two years ago, but then never got around to actually writing the blog while it was still fresh in our minds. And now, due to everything leading to us taking a hiatus from the list in the first place, we have a little bit of amnesia. We did, however, take notes while watching it! Thus, we present to you: Our Impressions Of And Thoughts On The Film Based On Cryptic Notes Written Two Years Ago (or OIOATOTFBOCNWTYA for short):

Pictured: characters from the film. About 99% sure that’s Henry Fonda up front. And they definitely look like the bad guys, so that tracks. Probably about to do some serious mischief.
  • Very good at creating tension! (we’re pretty sure we’re talking about Leone here)
  • Love when people make their own soundtrack! (referring to Harmonica, probably?)
  • #Harmonica4Lyfe! Such a drama queen. Love!
  • Absolutely love the “vastness” of the production – epic scale. Good world building.
  • He (probably Leone again) just loooooooves people staring at each other.
  • Beautiful, epic, suspenseful and possibly a tiiiiiny bit too long… But hey – if you wanna be dramatic about it and make an absolute epic, you go girl! (We guess we’re referring to Leone here as well…)
Harmonica doing god’s work providing (more or less) appropriate ambient sound to a dramatic scene. Again, we suspect that’s what’s going on based on vague, watercolour memories.
  • With the notable exception of the Lord of the Rings-movies, very few films need to clock in at almost three hours…But this stays interesting and engaging throughout, so it kind of pulls it off.
  • So. Much. Staring.
  • Ok, even on Blu-Ray, film is definitely different from digital. The texture of this! Hard to describe… It feels substantial and kind of gritty.
  • Was this movie sponsored by the oil industry? The car industry? Never seen so much vilifying of railways.
  • Sometimes it’s best to just stay a single, rich widow.
“I know you’re developing some Stockholm syndrome feelings for me, but I’m saving all my sexual tension for my new best bud Cheyenne. Besides, Clark Olofsson won’t be born for half a century yet, so I don’t even know what Stockholm syndrome is.”

What we learned: Never trust Big Railway™

MVP: Ennio Morricone, Cheyenne and Harmonica’s harmonica.

Next time: Planet of the Apes (1968)

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#354 If….

Watched: February 2 2023

Director: Lindsay Anderson

Starring: Malcolm McDowell, David Wood, Richard Warwick, Christine Noonan, Anthony Nicholls, Peter Jeffrey

Year: 1968

Runtime: 1h 51min

College House – a fucked up, disciplinarian boarding school (is there any other kind?). Among its students: Mick Travis. You know the type – the sort of guy whose brand of insolence and defiance is so ingrained in him you just cannot beat it out. Yes, we love him too. But that sort of attitude and his refusal to conform aren’t acceptable in polite society, so he must be cut down. And believe us, they try.

If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine

In If…, we are treated to a slice of normal British boarding school life: bullying, beatings, rape, truancy, less than engaged teachers and a strict hierarchy which is often abused. Being Norwegian, female, and ridiculously middle class, we have no idea how realistic this (insane) depiction is, but from what we’ve read and seen in other places, we fear it might be pretty accurate. As for plot, we don’t want to give too much away as we think everyone should see this for themselves. Suffice to say, Mick reaches his breaking point and shit goes off.

Chekhov would be very proud to be taken so literally!

As you may have inferred from the previous paragraph, we loved this! Malcolm McDowell is hypnotic as Mick – his impertinence spews from his very pores, and we loved him in this role. This is not your normal teenage rebellion, he embodies it as a deep-rooted character trait that can’t be eradicated through corporal punishment – the second the prefects confront him and try to make him conform, they’ve lost the battle.

“♫♬ Tell me why! Ain’t nothing but a beat down. Ain’t nothing but a spanking. (Tell me why) I never wanna hear you say “I want some basic respect and human dignity and to be treated as a person in this place” because that’s not how the Empire was built!”

Also, can we talk about all male (or all-any-gender) boarding schools? What the actual fuck? Obviously, these schools have played a crucial role in fostering a culture where men don’t see women as human beings (when you never interact with them as equals, how would you?), where bullying and violence mean “building character,” where authority is absolute, and where non-conformity = death. And personally, we rather object to such a culture.

It’s the sort of culture which fosters this. And the fact that we all have the same interpretation of this image is very sad…

We loved the psycho romance with the waitress (how much of that actually happened? We’re guessing very little), the incredibly unengaged history teacher (if teaching was like this we would never think about leaving the profession), the slow build-up, the violent conclusion, and of course the magnetic Malcolm McDowell – He of the Intense EyesTM. Also the random guy who showed up at the end in full medieval armour. Honestly, we wouldn’t be surprised if this was normal ceremonial attire in the formal public school setting, but we like to imagine he just woke up that day feeling a bit medieval and decided to go for it. Overall, this is definitely a movie we will recommend to others, and one we won’t easily forget.

“He’ll have the coffee, black, and I’ll take the animalistic sexgames. With milk.”

Side note: we spent a great deal of time trying to analyse why parts of the movie were in colour and parts in monochrome. We had many theories (conformity vs. non-conformity, reality vs. fantasy, etc.) although we struggled to see the connection between them. Then, once we finally gave up and googled it, we found out that it was just because the natural light they had to use in some scenes would mess with the colour quality and thus monochrome was used… Conclusion: not everything is symbolism.

What we learned: Education in Britain is like a nubile Cinderella: sparsely clad and much interfered with.

Next time: Night of the Living Dead (1968)

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#304 2001: A Space Odyssey

Watched: January 12 2022 during our first ever 1000 Films Blog Movie Night™

Director: Stanley Kubrick

Starring: Keir Dullea, Gary Lockwood, William Sylvester, Daniel Richter, Leonard Rossiter, Margaret Tyzack, Robert Beatty, Sean Sullivan, Douglas Rain, Frank Miller

Year: 1968

Runtime: 2h 29min

Source

Ok, let’s face it, we cannot possibly hope to say anything new and interesting about one of the world’s most celebrated pieces of cinema – Stanley Kubrick’s masterpiece 2001: A Space Odyssey. So we’re not even going to try, but we will give a brief summary of the plot for the three readers who have never seen the movie.

Meet Ralph
Ralph might be seeing red, but in fact he is very happy today
You know why? Ralph just landed his dream job! He is going to be an astronaut!
With his trusty sidekicks D’raak and Susan, Ralph will travel the universe looking for The Lost Oyster Pearl of Quan-exa’peh™
Along the way, the intrepid trio will stumble onto many a curious adventure, such as beekeeping on Jupiter and fighting the dream-giraffes of Sckraaaaaaaa. They also find themselves in an award-winning heavy metal band supporting a world class primate drummer.
At one point they even get lost in the Windows Media Player. Classic Ralph!
But will he eventually wake up to find that it was all just a dream..? Only one way to find out! Get yourself a copy of 2001: The Space Odyssey of Ralph, D’raak and Susan – out on LaserDisc now!
There are so many reasons why this film has become such a classic – foremost of which is Kubrick’s decision to film everything with the camera lying on its side. Amazing.

What we learned: In space, no one can hear you have an existential crisis.

Next time: Barbarella (1968)

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#303 Weekend

Watched: January 30 2021 …and then again on January 3 2022 since we’d forgotten the experience.

Director: Jean-Luc Godard

Starring: Mireille Darc, Jean Yanne, and a whole bunch of other people

Year: 1967

Runtime: 1h 45min

Source

How can we describe Weekend? It’s definitely a film you should experience for yourself, but we’ll take a shot at describing the plot.

Basically, it’s sort of like this, but with long tracking shots, musical interludes and political speeches.

Roland (Yanne) and Corinne (Darc) are planning to kill her parents for the inheritance, as one does. Then, he plots to off her for the same reason, since he has another girl waiting in the wings. Lovely couple, very nice.

You won’t BELIEVE how they ended up in this state! Read on for all the gruesome details!

After describing a sexual encounter in detail (though without any emotion), as we all always do with your partners, Corinne gets in the car with Roland and off they go a-killing. They soon run into major traffic, as well as an impressive and very long shot of them passing said traffic in the wrong lane. With honking. Lots of honking. And some dead bodies casually strewn around.

♫ We’re all going on a – murder holiday ♬♪

Eventually the two crash their car (it was inevitable, really) and go on foot instead, running into historical and fictional characters, cannibals, and rapists. You know, the sort of people who tend to hang out in your local woods.

Sadly, when we went lurking about in the woods in our feather boas and fancy medallions, we learned that our local cannibalistic forest-lurkers lacked this kind of flair. Very disappointed. And just a little bit scared.

Somehow it all works, thanks to Godard’s genius. In a way, we feel as though it’s designed to stress you out. It’s a commentary on consumerism, classicism, racism, egotism and general shittyness. You kind of have to see it to believe it, and while Weekend doesn’t seem to be streaming anywhere, a good library will probably have a copy. This is why we love physical media and public libraries.

Hear ye, hear ye: get thee to a library and fetch thee an obscure DVD.

Weekend is funny and silly and brutal and disturbing, but most of all it’s fascinating. Sure, it’s not a movie everyone will love, but we enjoyed this roadtrip from Hell quite a lot, even though we didn’t quite understand the world we were thrown into. To be fair, we feel that way just waking up in the morning, so it might be us…

Sometimes, you just feel like a lonely drummer by a lake, you know?

What we learned: We’re going to need diagrams of the sex scene Corinne describes. How did that work physically?? If anyone can do a powerpoint presentation, an illustration, a demonstration or something of the mechanicals of it, please let us know.

Next time: 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

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#302 Two for the Road

Watched: December 21 2021

Director: Stanley Donen

Starring: Audrey Hepburn, Albert Finney, Eleanor Bron, William Daniels, Claude Dauphin, Nadia Gray, Georges Descrières, Jacqueline Bisset, Judy Cornwell

Year: 1967

Runtime: 1h 51min

Source

Joanna and Mark Wallace (Hepburn and Finney, respectively), a disillusioned and sniping couple, are going on a road trip to St. Tropez. The story of their 12 year relationship is told through flashbacks juxtaposed with more current events as we examine how they ended up in their current, seemingly loveless, marriage.

As our mama always said: make sure the cute girl you meet while hitchhiking through continental Europe and then decide to marry, isn’t a bug-eyed alien in disguise. Those marriages never work out. Well, maybe once or twice.

Travel permeates their relationship – at least most critical events appear to have happened while they’re on the road. They met in Europe and fell in love while hitchhiking together, and from there on out most developments occur on other trips they take, alone or together.

All the while breaking down the barriers of fashion and good taste with their de rigeur headgear

Our favourite might be their ridiculous road trip with Mark’s ex Cathy (Bron), her overbearing husband Howard (Daniels) and their obnoxious and unruly daughter Ruthie (not her fault – her parents are useless). The fact that Joanna and Mark have kids after this is mindblowing.

“So, according to this, it’s too late for an abortion when the child is already walking and talking.” “You sure? There’s no small print..?”

We’re in two minds about this movie. We love the non-linear storytelling and the wardrobe, but the relationship doesn’t quite work for us. Audrey Hepburn is lovely as Joanna, but frankly we’re not sold on Albert Finney in this, and we don’t quite see their chemistry.

Might be us though – there’s a chance we’re blinded by the wardrobe

At times it seems as though they’re going for the loving bickering of Nick and Nora, but while she is charming enough, he often comes across as a douche. Why on earth would they get married? They’re a perfect example of how squabbling and negging does NOT a cute couple make.

Just keep on walking, girl. Never mind the chafing from your highly impractical ensemble which you inexplicably chose for a long road trip in a warm car.

Sure, they have some good times – their express tourism is fun, and the continuous gag about his passport is cute, but overall our impression is that they should have been a holiday fling. Not building a life together. Especially as they fall into the classic trap of “sure, my partner and I have agreed on a life goal together, but I’m sure they’ll change their mind now that I have!” Then again, maybe that is the point of the story..? In which case: well done to all involved!

“Do you ever get the feeling that all our vehicles always falling apart is some sort of metaphor..?”

We have a fondness for Cathy though – just the way she talks is enough to make us want to hang out with her. And we’d pay good money to see a crossover show with Cathy and Howie befriending Mortitia and Gomez Addams! Or Nick and Nora Charles. If anyone wants to develop that show we’ll take 10% of all proceeds, including merchandising, please and thank you.

What we learned: Who travels in a vinyl outfit? Have fun with the thrush…

Next time: Weekend (1967)

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#767 Big Night

Watched: September 15 2021

Directors: Campbell Scott, Stanley Tucci

Starring: Stanley Tucci, Tony Shalhoub, Minnie Driver, Marc Anthony, Isabella Rossellini, Ian Holm, Allison Janney, Liev Schreiber

Year: 1996

Runtime: 1h 49min

Like Pulp Fiction, Big Night also gets to skip ahead in line because of Kosmorama Film Festival’s fantastic Culinary Cinema program. On September 15th we enjoyed a lovely meal inspired by the even lovelier movie we were watching during the meal. What else can two gals ask for?

A couple of eccentric yet charming Italian brothers with a penchant for good food and wine, perhaps? Trouble is we’d be fighting over Tony Shalhoub…

Brothers Primo (Shalhoub) and Secondo (Tucci) run an Italian restaurant in New Jersey. And when we say Italian restaurant we mean Italian restaurant. Primo will not compromise on his food – it will be just the way he learned to make it, thankyouverymuch, despite the New Jersey palate not appreciating his traditional cuisine.

“Don’t kill the customers, Primo. Just serve them their triple order of starch like they ordered. It’s not worth the hassle.”

Secondo, who’s dating Phyllis (Driver) while secretly sleeping with Gabriella (Rossellini), goes to rival restauranteur Pascal (Holm) to ask for a loan to keep their business afloat. Pascal refuses the loan, but offers to get a famous singer to come eat at the brothers’ place to draw in customers and publicity. Oh, by the way Pascal is married to Gabriella. Just to further complicate things. Primo and Secondo pour their last savings into the menu for their Big Night – everything must be perfect for their famous guest! But will the investment pay off?

And will Secondo manage to keep his two girlfriends separated for the evening? Such drama!

Big Night is charming, funny and a bit sad, with wonderful performances from its entire cast. At the heart of it is the relationship between the two brothers, which is loving yet volatile – just like ours. Food culture and authenticity are also major themes, and the chef is portrayed as an artist – not “just” a craftsman. Apparently, there was a whole movement in the ’90s where food stopped being food and started being art. We’re not mad at it.

Although sometimes, a simple breakfast hits the spot juuuuust right.

Watching Big Night makes you crave Italian food in a major way, so the only way to watch it is really at an Italian restaurant while being served food inspired by the movie- including a delicious timpano. So next time you go out to eat, why not bring a TV?

We’re pretty sure Primo would stab us to death if we ate his food in front of the TV tbh.

What we learned: Authentic cuisine is some serious shit!

Next time: The Young Girls of Rochefort (1968)

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#755 Pulp Fiction

Watched: September 8 2021

Director: Quentin Tarantino

Starring: John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson, Bruce Willis, Uma Thurman, Tim Roth, Amanda Plummer, Ving Rhames, Rosanna Arquette, Harvey Keitel, Eric Stoltz, Phil LaMarr, Christopher Walken, Maria de Medeiros, Quentin Tarantino

Year: 1994

Runtime: 2h 34min

Source

On Wednesday, we went out (yay vaccines! Thank you scientist people!) for an amazing evening of “kulinarisk kino” (culinary cinema), courtesy of Kosmorama film festival. First, there was a screening of Pulp Fiction at Prinsen cinema, then we went to Bula Neobistro for a fabulous three course meal inspired by the movie. More on that to follow, but first our review of the film.

“Bitches be taking too long…”

Ok, Pulp Fiction probably doesn’t need an introduction. From its release in 1994, it has been one of the most watched, discussed and acclaimed movies of our time, and for good reason. The non-linear structure, various intertwined storylines and fantastic cast all come together to create one hell of a ride!

“You see, if you show seemingly unrelated events in a more or less random order, the audience will feel rewarded when everything comes together at the end. And when you feel rewarded, it is because dopamine is released into the brain, which will make you love the movie more than you might have done if everything was neatly served in a logical order.” “So, we’re tricked into liking it..?” “Well, yes and no. The first time you see it: yes, maybe. But it would not hold up on subsequent viewings if the movie wasn’t actually good. Now, let’s rob some people.”

Among the stories we have Pumpkin and Honey-Bunny (Roth and Plummer) – a couple of bank robbers planning on switching to robbing restaurants; Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield (Travolta and Jackson) – two gangsters running errands for Marcellus Wallace (Rhames); Wallace’s wife Mia (Thurman) looking for a good time and a dance trophy; boxer Butch (Willis), who’s ready to get out of the business with his girlfriend Fabienne (de Medeiros) – a girl with the mind of a child, and oh… Oh no, that’s not good…

“How many times I gotta tell ya: No Italian food in the car!”

Throw in some racist hillbilly rapists with a gimp, a drug dealer and his wife, an unfortunate shooting victim, a dapper cleaner, and a killer soundtrack, and you’ve got yourself an instant classic. The two and a half hours fly by, every minute entertaining.

“And NO MATTER WHAT, you have to remember to put the motherfucking safety back on after you kill a man. Aight?” “Yeah, yeah, stop yammering on about it. I won’t forget, ok?”

The cast are pretty much perfect, and while there are some questionable moments (are we all ok with a grown man dating a woman whose mental age is about 6..? And is the character of Jimmie just there as an excuse for QT to say the n-word 45 times in 3 minutes?), Pulp Fiction is, 27 years on, still a stylish, exciting and entertaining piece of cinema.

We’re gagging

Now for the meal we had. There were fried squash rings with a Hawaiian inspired habanero-pineapple dip, a Big Kahuna burger with fries (served with both mayo and ketchup, of course), and finally a $5 milkshake (with a shot of bourbon). Yum! If you ever find yourself in Trondheim looking for a delicious meal and wonderful service, look no further than Bula (and no, we’re not paid to say this)! Together, the movie and the meal made this night a phenomenal success and we can’t wait for our next culinary cinema. Which is coming up this Wednesday with #767 Big Night shown with a three course Italian meal. Buon appetito!

“You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out, you put your right foot in, and you shake it all about…”

What we learned: How to handle an O.D. Which, we’re sure we can all agree, is useful knowledge. Also, the safety is there for a reason, Vincent!

Next time: Big Night (1996)

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#298 The Graduate

Watched: January 31 2021

Director: Mike Nichols

Starring: Dustin Hoffman, Anne Bancroft, Katharine Ross, William Daniels, Murray Hamilton, Elizabeth Wilson

Year: 1967

Runtime: 1h 46min

Surprise motherfuckers! We’re not dead. We just got to summer and realised we were completely exhausted by work and pandemics and generally being alive, so we needed a proper break. No work, no writing, no responsibilities! Sorry ’bout it. But we are now rested and rejuvenated and ready to dive back in with a fun, lighthearted romp through depression, existential crises, borderline abuse, doomed relationships and rape allegations… Oh. Oh damn.

Source

Well, the plot of The Graduate is pretty well known. Ben (Hoffman) comes home from college, all disillusioned and emo. His parents’ generation is totes old fashioned and lame, and all Ben knows is he certainly doesn’t want to become like them (spoiler alert: he probably will). Then the ultimate cougar seduces him.

The ancient crone Anne Bancroft, 36 years old at the time of filming. Fuck, we’re old.

Ben’s domestic claustrophobia and feeling of alienation on his return home are probably familiar to most people – we know we’ve been there. Being a young adult is hard, man! Luckily, he deals with his emotions in a mature manner – by floating around in the pool and fucking his parents’ friend.

“They just don’t understand, AquariumMan!”

Things get more complicated once Ben falls in love with Mrs Robinson’s daughter Elaine (Ross). Whether out of jealousy or because she thinks her daughter could do better than her boy toy, Mrs Robinson does everything she can to break the two up – including falsely accusing Ben of rape.

“I get that you’re mad at me, but the trope of women falsely crying rape in popular culture is very detrimental to feminism in general and to actual victims specifically. Because while statistically false accusations are rare and unreported assaults are much more common, a lot of people will use the few examples that exist in order to undermine the victims who do come forward. See – I did learn some things in college!”

As is tradition, let’s go through what we liked and didn’t like about The Graduate. We loved the stress, depression and claustrophobia experienced by Ben, the clown painting, the portrayal of ennui and alienation, Simon and Garfunkel, and the last shot when the two crazy kids realize they may have just made a huge mistake.

Well fuck

What we didn’t like… Well… Let’s face it: Elaine is a non-person. The only semi-intelligent thing she does is leave him on that first, disasterous date. Then after that, she sort of just exists to be an object of obsession for her new stalker who’s secretly banging her mom. And also to show him if you just stalk and bother her enough, she’ll eventually fall in love with you. #lifehack

There’s nothing more charming than a man who follows you to a date with another guy. Harrassment means he cares!

That being said, Ben’s malaise is relatable for people of several generations. The ’60s was not the last decade where the youth had trouble relating to their parents, and while we came around a long time later (we’re still young dammit!), we’ve been in the same boat. Luckily, we avoided being seduced by the neighbourhood cougar. Phew!

What we learned: A relationship is the solution to all your problems! Also, stalking is super romantic.

Next time: The President’s Analyst (1967)

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#296 The Dirty Dozen

Watched: December 21 2020

Director: Robert Aldrich

Starring: Lee Marvin, Ernest Borgnine, Charles Bronson, Jim Brown, John Cassavetes, Telly Savalas, Donald Sutherland, George Kennedy, Richard Jaeckel, Trini López, Ralph Meeker, Robert Ryan, Clint Walker, Robert Webber, Tom Busby

Year: 1967

Runtime: 2h 30min

Source

We continue our criminal-men-do-fun-but-risky-stuff-together-while-paying-an-inordinate-amount-of-attention-to-their-attire with The Dirty Dozen – a suspenseful war drama featuring a host of well-known tough guys.

“We have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass . . . and bubblegum is heavily rationed so our options are limited.”

During WWII, Major Reisman (Marvin) is tasked with blowing up a French château housing a bunch of important Germans. To help with this suicide mission he enlists not the best of the best, but rather the worst of the worst: conviced rapists, murderers and other assorted criminals who are promised freedom should they happen to survive. What could possibly go wrong with this scenario?

It’s all fun and games until…oh… Eh, yes. Carry on.

A lot, it turns out. For some reason, these condemned sociopaths have trouble working together and listening to authority. Luckily, the Major understands them and knows how to get them all on the same page (hint: liquor and prostitutes will go a long way..). So gradually, they learn to cooperate, have each other’s backs, and the greatest bonding exercise known to man: burning Germans alive. Yay!

“How do I reach these kiiiiids?”

The Dirty Dozen was our family’s big Christmas movie this year and while it didn’t necessarily give us a lot of Christmas spirit, it was very good entertainment. While it all leads up to the mission itself, most of the film shows the teambuilding and training the soldiers/convicts are put through, and how their comradery grows as they get ready.

Nothing strengthens friendships like blowing shit up together. Takes us right back to our university days. Such carnage… Such bliss…

We loved the base building, the military band gag, Pinkley’s impersonation of a General (can’t go wrong with a Sutherland!), the opposition of Franko, the practise maneuvers, and of course George Kennedy. The movie is funny, exciting, tense, brutal, dramatic, ultimately heartbreaking, and we really enjoyed it.

“My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. Kamikaze soldier of the Allied Forces and proud owner of a pack of dental floss.”

What we learned: Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty. Also, don’t entrust religious fanatics with sensitive missions… Or misogynists with anything, really.

Next time: The Firemen’s Ball (1967)