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#372 The Swimmer

Watched: November 4 2025

Director: Frank Perry, Sydney Pollack

Starring: Burt Lancaster, Janet Landgard, Janice Rule, Marge Champion, Joan Rivers, Nancy Cushman, House Jameson, Tony Bickley

Year: 1968

Runtime: 1h 35min

Welcome to the surreal world of The Swimmer. You’re in for quite a ride… Ned Merrill (Lancaster) is running around in his bathing suit in a gorgeous woodland, as people do. He drops by some old friends’ backyard and goes for a swim in their pool. The friends are hungover from the night before, and have not seen Ned for aaaaages. But they love him, and he’s such a great guy. While reminiscing with them, Ned has the brilliant idea to swim all the way home, by way of his neighbours’ pools which form a “river” the entire way. Off he goes!

But not without a drink in his hand. He’s not an animal.

As he makes his wet way towards his house he meets several old friends and acquaintances, but the vibe changes discernibly as he gets closer and closer to home. In the beginning, all the people he meets are old friends who clearly see him as a good guy, although they all get a bit weird whenever his wife or daughters are brought up. But as he gets closer to home, the people he encounters are increasingly hostile and keep hinting more and more to something that clearly has gone wrong in Ned’s life. Our “hero” also goes super sleazy with Julie (Landgard), a young girl who used to babysit for his kids. Things get gradually darker and weirder until he finally reaches “home.”

It starts off so innocently. Even bringing along his very young former babysitter seems wholesome at first. Until it’s not…

We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into, but we were hooked from the start. We loved how our view of Ned changed throughout the movie – from seeming to be a nice enough man (and just a little bit inappropriate with all the women he knew) in the beginning, to a creepy, cheating, horrible narcissist at the end.

This scene with his former mistress is the best depiction we’ve seen of a man completely unravelling when he finds out a woman has faked her orgasms. Actual quote: “You loved it. You loved it. We both loved it. YOU LOVED IT!” And she’s just there like “Sure, Jan.”

The Swimmer kept us questioning throughout, and we came up with about 271 theories on what was actually going on. What happened to his daughters? His wife? Is this a sort of “life flashing before his eyes” scenario? Are we in purgatory? Is he senile? Is this a portrayal of his gradual corruption and entitlement throughout his life told through a swimming pool voyage? ‘Twas a mystery wrapped in an enigma. In the end, things start coming together and some questions are answered, but we’re still not 100% sure what exactly we just watched. That being said, we loved it (actually loved it. It wasn’t just a man telling us we did).

Another bit of unravelling: at the first pools people find him quirky and charming for going around in his swim trunks at a clothed event. As he progresses, not so much…

Among our favourite things were the ’60s parties he kept crashing (such a vibe!), the Hallorans, the way we liked Ned less and less as we went along, his increasingly fragile ego and psyche, and the many mysteries hidden in the plot. Also, the beautiful scenery added to the film’s dreamlike quality which, granted, gradually descended into a nightmare. Watch it!

Preferably through a closed, rusted fence with an anguished look on your face as you gradually realise the reality of your existence and slowly descend into madness and despair. It’s what we did.

What we learned: Dude! No means NO!!!

MVP: The pools. Or, possibly, the narrative technique. Or Ned’s fragile male ego.

Next time: The Thomas Crown Affair (1968)

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#371 The Great Silence/Il grande silenzio

Watched: October 26 2025

Director: Sergio Corbucci

Starring: Jean-Louis Trintignant, Klaus Kinski, Vonetta McGee, Frank Wolff, Luigi Pistilli, Mario Brega, Marisa Merlini, Carlo D’Angelo

Year: 1968

Runtime: 1h 45min

Snow. Horse, Rider. Norway? (Probably not, but looks like our landscape.) Crows. Shootout. Blood. Death. So starts The Great Silence. The eponymous Silence (Trintignant) is a mute gunman who makes bounty hunters tremble with fear. This (un)lucky Luke draws faster than his own shadow (well, at least faster than anyone else’s shadow), and his method is simple: be an annoying bitch until the other person gets fed up and draws their gun, and then kill them before they can pull the trigger. Thus, he only acts in self-defense and is completely within his rights to kill.

Way to hack the system, Silenzio!

The society in which Silence/Silenzio (we’ve heard it both ways) operates is run by corrupt politicians, greedy business owners and ruthless bounty hunters who prey on the little people. The worst one is Pollicut (Pistilli) – a banker and Justice of the Peace who uses his seemingly infinite (but very local) power to be a cunt to everyone and kill the guys who own things he covets, or who he simply doesn’t like. Of which there are many.

He wants their land, their houses and often their wives. And he will literally cut children’s throats in order to get what he wants. Among his many sins, that sorry excuse for a “beard” also ranks in the top three…

As a result of Pollicut’s greed and corruption, as well as problems caused by a severe blizzard, the people of Snow Hill are having a really bad time of it, and many are forced to turn to crime in order to feed their families. Pollicut uses these circumstances to make them outlaws and to place prices on their heads in order to take over their property. This attracts bounty hunters, chief among them being “Loco” (Kinski). He is, as the name suggests, utterly Loco. And racist. And a psychopath. And just an all ’round bad guy.

But his headgear game is on point

The women of this ravaged community, mainly newly widowed Pauline (McGee), hire Silence to defend them and help/avenge their sons/fathers/husbands, most of whom are either already dead or LARPing Robin Hood and his Merry Men in the woods surrounding Snow Hill.

In fact, let us talk about the name “Snow Hill.” Who came up with that name? Is it also called that in summer? Is this place perpetually snowy? In which case, why would anyone settle there? (OK, we realise that this is probably a bit rich coming from a couple of Norwegians. Nevertheless, we feel these questions are justified. The public needs to know!)

Enter player five, newly appointed sheriff Gideon Burnett (Wolff). From the start, he seems a decent enough guy, which is a rarity in this town. His mission is to restore order in Snow Hill before the governor declares amnesty on the merry men of the forest (and by “merry,” we mean “miserable” and “starving”). He is basically the only character in this entire movie who both operates within the law and does the right thing. Will his and Silenzio’s efforts be enough to save the town?

Look at this jovial face and icy ‘stache! Clearly one of the good guys.

We are enjoying the westerns a lot more than we thought we would when we started this project. We grew up watching some of them as our dad was a western fan, but it was never really “our” genre. However, each one we’ve watched so far has been incredibly engaging, and there’s so much interesting social commentary within them. For us, The Great Silence ranks as one of the best ones so far.

🎵 The hills are aliiiiive… With the sound of outlaaaaws 🎶

First off, we loved the women in this. From the bereaved mother who first asks for Silenzio’s help, via Pauline, to Regina (Merlini), they are bad ass, capable and vengeful – exactly how we like our female characters. We also loved sheriff Burnett, Silence’s method of being a little bitch until people try to kill you, the costumes, the snow, and the portrayal of people dealing with corruption and greed. As in a lot of westerns, on the surface it’s very easy to tell the bad guys from the good guys – there are no doubts about who we’re supposed to root for. But at the same time, the bad guys’ actions are “all according to the law,” which poses some interesting philosophical quandaries about laws and morality, and makes this a movie which is frighteningly topical and current…

They also managed to throw in a bit of (interracial) romance, so we’re pretty sure everyone can find something they enjoy in this film. Well, good people can, at least.

By the way, without spoiling the ending too much (we hope… You can wait to read the rest of this until you’ve seen the film if you want absolutely no hint of a spoiler), if you have the DVD/Blu-Ray version of this movie, we recommend you also watch the alternate ending which you can find as a bonus. It is the most ridiculously over-the-top happy denoument we’ve ever seen, and we got the strong feeling that this was filmed as a sort of mutinous “fuck you” to people who thought the original finale was too bleak…

Side note: we felt really bad for all the horses forced to struggle through the snow throughout. That looked like really hard work.

What we learned: The law is not always right. There is no such thing as an ethical billionaire. And sometimes the bad guys win…

MVP: Whoever made all those shawls. Or Klaus Kinski. Also, shoutout to our boy Ennio Morricone!

Next time: The Swimmer (1968)

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#117 The Big Heat

Watched: June 24 2017

Director: Fritz Lang

Starring: Glenn Ford, Gloria Grahame, Lee Marvin, Alexander Scourby, Jocelyn Brando

Year: 1953

Runtime: 1h 30min

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Detective Sergeant Dave Bannion (Ford) has it all – a good job, a happy marriage and a lovely young daughter. That is, until officer Tom Duncan commits suicide and Bannion starts to investigate, uncovering layers and layers of corruption and deceit.

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He’s also invited to uncover other kinds of layers, if you catch our drift

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Those who cooperate with Bannion tend to die shortly thereafter, which makes him suspicious that the suicide may not have been as straightforward as initially thought. Even his superiors tell him to back down, which drives his determination to get to the bottom of the circumstances of his colleague’s death, as well as the extent of the mob’s influence on the police force.

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Methods include, but are not limited to, threatening widows. (PS: check out the decorative lamp in the background. Classic!)

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When Bannion’s wife is killed by a bomb intended for him, and his boss suspends him for not complying with orders and accusing him of being on the mob’s payroll, our hero quits his job and goes on a one man mission to bring down the local gangster Lagana (Scourby) and everyone connected to him.

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Cornering people in pubs is a tried and tested investigatory method in many a film. It usually ends in violence.

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One of Laguna’s thugs, Vince Stone (Marvin), has a girl he does not treat right – Debby Marsh (Grahame). After a confrontation between Bannion and Stone in a bar, Marsh, the obligatory scorned female, joins forces with her lover’s enemy.

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She pays the price though, poor girl…

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We absolutely loved this film! Bannion is an early incarnation of the disillusioned-cop-with-nothing-left-to-lose-who-goes-after-the-bad-guys-on-his-own, and he is perfect. We watched it with our parents (family time!) and all four of us were at the edge of our seats for the entirety. It’s thrilling, exciting and intriguing – everything we look for in a Noir.

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There’s also real tragedy and innocent victims

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On top of it all, it is directed by freakin’ Fritz Lang, the man behind two of our favourite entries on the list – M and Metropolis. What’s not to love?

What we learned: If one side of your face is scarred, you can always go through life backwards. Also, good friends will come through in the end.

Next time: The Naked Spur (1953)